What if your fear of judgment… is self-created?

One of my Q2 goals is start a new membership.

After closing down my old membership Just Start Now at the start of 2025 which I had run for nearly 5 years, I feel like I’m ready and repositioned to start something new at this point in 2026.

By the way if you’d like to join the waitlist you can do that here.

I’ve launched many offers before so I know the drill, but I joined a programme to support me through the creation and beta launch – because even though I’ve done it multiple times in nearly a decade of coaching, marketing and messaging has changed a lot in the last few years and I want to make sure I get this right.

So I’ve got the strategy covered.

I know how to write a sales page.
I know how to warm up and show value to my audience.
I know how to create an offer, track progress and build a community.
I know I can consistently create great content.
I’m getting top notch advice and feedback on every element of what I’m doing.

Practicals. Tick ✅

But.

It’s never just the practicals, is it?

The worry of course isn’t about my ability.

Which, as well as the work on the logistics of a new launch, is the bit I know I’ve got to work on.

And it got me thinking.

We talk a lot about what other people think of us when it comes to mindset, confidence and taking action.

We talk far less about something else.

Let’s get real for a minute.

Most of us judge. Constantly.

• other people’s content

• their pricing

• their branding

• their confidence

• their success

• their “lack” of success

• their marketing methods

• the way they spend their time

Not always out loud. But internally.

This is not about shaming – I will 100% hold my hands up here and say I do this. It’s human.

Comparison and judgement are for our minds all about pattern recognition. It’s how the brain makes sense of the world.

But it creates a problem:

If you know how quickly you form judgments about others, it becomes very easy to assume others are doing the same to you.

It’s why I don’t always think the “no-one’s thinking about you as much as you think!” message really doesn’t go deep enough, because we’re uncomfortable about accepting what really goes on in our heads. That whilst it might not always linger, we do in fact think and form opinions about others. It would be naïve to assume otherwise.

Fear of judgment is not irrational.
It’s often a projection based on your own behaviour.

“If I think that person sounds cringey… people will think that about me.”
“If I roll my eyes at that pricing… people will do that to mine.”
“If I see other people’s offers are substandard… people will think mine is too.”

So your brain goes:

Better stay safe
Better stay quiet
Better stay neutral
Better not try
Better just stick to what I’ve always done

This is your protective system – that Safety Guardian protector - trying to avoid what it perceives as ‘risks.’ Emotions and experiences you’ve had before that it’s desperate to help you dodge again, like:

• embarrassment

• rejection

• failure

• being criticised

• disappointment

You know I love a rewrite. A reframe and a relook at what is going on and the stories we hold. That’s why R in my TRUST framework is for Rewrite.

Let’s do that with judgement.

Let’s flip the focus from “others judging you” to “how you judge others.”

I know it might be uncomfortable… but if you’re quietly nodding along to what I’ve said so far, we need to get honest about the consequences of your judgement:

If you’ve already decided what someone is like and what they think, you stop listening. It means we can’t learn, we aren’t open to new ideas, we aren’t tuned in for nuance and similarities or problems we might be able to help with. So prospective clients and collaborators are dead to you.

People can feel when they’re being assessed rather than understood. I say this continually in my work – humans are so perceptive.

We can sense when someone is not being true to themselves or believing in what they’re saying. And it’s equally true when we’re on the other side of judgement. If we feel like we’re being critiqued, rather than met where we’re at, that is never a state we’re going to want to buy from. We shut down and don’t want to connect with that judgemental person.

If you judge people for not knowing something, you struggle to welcome beginners or new clients who’ve yet to discover your world. It’s just as damaging as “oh everyone knows this already.” In fact… perhaps worse.

If you can’t love on and get excited about the people that don’t know about your work yet, then they aren’t going to be receptive to your message.

If you’re critical of competitors, you won’t collaborate, refer, or build relationships.

Again, it’s easy to just repeat “community over competition!” And yeah… we all want and believe that at a surface level.

But if you’re still silently judging them in your head, I’m afraid that does filter out into the real world into a lack of partnerships, invitations and genuine business buddy connections. Because they feel it, even if you don’t say it to their face.

Every judgment you make strengthens the belief that judgment is dangerous. That it’s a real risk. Because you’re doing it, the likelihood is someone else is doing it right back at you.

Judging others gives the Safety Guardian protector part of your brain daily evidence that judgement is all around and people think you’re not good enough, disappointing, stupid and ill-qualified or [insert your biggest fear here].

You don’t just fear judgment. You rehearse it.

I want to pause here and slap on a massive healthy dose of compassion. Because everything I’ve described, as painful as it is to admit, is all for a reason.

A lot of what I’ve written above applies to me too – please don’t think I’m speaking from a position of perfect ‘cheerleader only’ headspace.

You are not alone. Particularly for me judgement that leads to isolation from my peers is huge and something I have to work on, notice and change on the regular.

But for all of us, judgment is not random. It’s a protection mechanism that keeps us safe from those risks we talked about earlier. It keeps everything at arm’s length, wrapped in a comforting blanket of “well thank goodness I’m not like them.”

For example:

If you perceive someone is doing better than you, judging them can create distance.
“If they’re annoying/cringey/overhyped… then I’m okay where I am.”

Can you see?

Judgement soothes discomfort.

It validates where we’re at and what we’re doing (or not doing).

But it comes at a cost.

This is really subtle, and it might feel disconnected. But if you notice in your own business that:

• You hold back from pitching where you know you want to be seen

• You second guess your marketing strategy every other week

• You falter on launching that new offer

• You can’t seem to get past a ‘ceiling’ of income

• You worry about making the ‘wrong’ decision

And at the same time:

• You critique others’ marketing

• You assume people “won’t get it”

• You think everyone else is doing it ‘wrong’

• You judge competitors visibility, looks, messaging or business model

• You turn your nose up when someone invests in something other than you

This creates a loop:

Judge → fear being judged → shrink → stay stuck

As I’ve already said, I am not immune to this. I was brought up with a mother who was (and still is!) judgemental of how others spend their time and money for example, and its stuck with me.

And I think in reality we’ve all been surrounded by people in our lives who love to judge at various stages – that sometimes having a little b*** and snipe at someone else makes us feel closer with friends and peers, whether that was as a teenager or over a watercooler in a corporate job.

We are not trying to eliminate judgment. It’s a fundamental mechanism of our protector.

We are trying to notice it and choose differently.

These elements of my TRUST Framework are how we do this:

T – Tune In And Trace – we notice where these judgements have come from and what they’re keeping us safe from.

That might look like:

Instead of:
“That’s so basic”
→ “Who is this helpful for?”

Instead of:
“That’s overpriced”
→ “What value might someone else see here?”

Instead of:
“That’s cringe”
→ “What are they brave enough to say that I’m not?”

This opens space.

Curiosity softens fear.

“No-one’s thinking about you as much as you think they are!” is not really going to wash here, if you’re someone that judges.

If we run our own businesses and show up to market and sell what we do then people will judge you.

Some of it will be wrong.
Some of it will be fair.
Most of it will be irrelevant.
None of it will affect your worth and value to this world.
All of it is easier to handle if we change how we judge others.

The goal is not to avoid judgment.

The goal is to trust yourself enough that it doesn’t stop you.

When you trust yourself you can appreciate that judgement happens. And also hold true that:

• you can handle being misunderstood

• you can tolerate disagreement

• you don’t need universal approval

• you don’t collapse at criticism

• you are still worthy and impactful to your people

Self-trust reduces both:

• your fear of being judged

• your need to judge others

So the next time you feel afraid of being judged, ask:

Not to shame yourself.
But to understand the pattern you’re caught in.

Because the more space you create for others to be imperfect, visible and human…

…the more space you create for yourself to do the same.

You can find out more about working with me here.

Most mindset work gives you the insight and leaves you there.

Trust Club goes further.

A monthly practice built around the TRUST framework, with real-world experiments that build evidence your brain can actually act from.

For established solopreneurs who are done being the best-kept secret in their own business.

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