Just Don't Stop

I was halfway through Heian Nidan, the second kata, in the middle of the mat when these words from my sensei did exactly what she said not to do.

I stopped dead in my tracks, which earned me a frown from my sensei.

(Note to self: Don’t do exactly what your sensei says not to do immediately after she says not to do it.)

As a grammar nerd, I love correcting the mistakes. There’s an odd sense of joy of finding and fixing them.

Even as a writer, we always hear the advice to keep writing when ideas are flowing and go back afterwards to correct mistakes.

I never do.

I am quite confident that my ideas will stay in my mind while I correct spelling and all various little things that come up. So, even when ideas are flowing, I go back and correct anything I see.

I like fixing mistakes.

My sensei’s words continued while I progressed through the second kata. I want to do the kata - a sequence of 26 or more blocks, strikes, and kicks - without a mistake. In my mind, one mistake tarnishes the whole event, so I might as well just stop where I am at and start again.

And isn’t that why we make mistakes? So that we can correct and learn from them? So how can we do that when we continue?

Halfway through the kata, I make a mistake. I turn but wobble on it. Then my stance is not quite right.

Everything in my brain tells me to stop and start over. That wobble invalidated everything I have done. Might as well begin again and do it right.

I straighten my stance and step forward into the next punch. I know my sensei just said not to show any frustration, but I am terribly annoyed at myself. I know how to do that turn without wobbling. I’ve done it many times without a wobble. And I wobbled.

Just when does the wobbling stop?

Of course, then I begin to notice those who didn’t wobble in class around me. It doesn’t help that someone with a belt lower than me didn’t wobble. And, as I’m distracted, my stance goes badly.

The words hit me almost as strong as a punch. I take a deep breath to focus.

Let the wobble go, but watch the next turn or you will wobble again. Ignore those around you. Focus on the moves, the imaginary opponent coming at you. Do the next thing.

The next turn and the punch goes better.

Ever not ride a bike for years and then pick it up and go without any problems? That’s muscle memory. It’s the ability to move in a particular way without thinking about it.

In karate classes, we talk about muscle memory a lot. We want it, but we want it in the right way. If someone throws a punch at me, I want my arms to block without having to tell them where to go.

For it to be effective, it must be built on good technique.

If I stop every time I make a mistake, I’m creating muscle memory to stop at a certain point and start over. I don’t want that. What I want to do is complete the kata, analyze what I did as a mistake, and focus on correcting that the next time.

In this passage, Paul is looking at his whole life as he faces death.

However, races come all in different lengths. Some short; some long. We often look at our lifetime as our “race.” But what of the shorter races?

Our time in high school? How can we fix the mistakes to make the next race better? Are you in a race with babies and toddlers at home? Perhaps you are focusing on your career.

Are you running well?

Do I make a mistake and just quit? Of course, as a mom of young girls, I’ve made many mistakes… which is why the girls call the fire alarm the dinner bell.

But I can’t just stop. Sometimes, honestly, I cry. I might get disgusted at myself or angry at the situation.

But I keep trying.

Because the muscle memory I want to make and cement in myself and my girls is that God loves us even with our mistakes.

Mistakes don’t bother or surprise Him, especially when we’re trying to do the right thing. He doesn’t condemn us. He encourages us to try again.

The Bible is filled with people who made mistake after mistake, but they turned back to God with a repentant heart. God didn’t walk away. He picked them up, dusted them off with love, and said, “Try again.”

In life and karate, I should show myself grace and encouragement when I make a mistake.

Don’t build the muscle memory that leads you to give up every time you mess up.

Don’t permit an error to take away the ability to do the next thing well.

Don’t let a mistake stop you.

Fight the good fight.

Finish the race.

And begin again.