Overcoming Overwhelm and Over-Availability Syndrome, Part IV

Now, Morgan,¹ let’s talk about service, superheroes, and saving people.

In our coaching calls, I’ve shared the importance of developing an “alter ego.” This is based on Todd Herman’s book, where he teaches that creating an alter ego means intentionally stepping into a version of yourself—often with a name, traits, or even props—that embodies the qualities you need to perform at your best.

It’s not about being fake; it’s about unlocking the strength, focus, or courage that already exists in you but needs a different doorway to come out.

You’ve chosen the alter ego “Captain Marvel.”

At your best, you are Captain Marvel! Just like the Marvel superheroine, you can walk into any room with unshakable presence, set strong boundaries without apology, and rise with courage and clarity no matter what’s pulling at you.

(Wouldn’t it be fun if you could also blast an asteroid out of your way—or just fly above the chaos for a while? But I digress…)

I am fine with you thinking of yourself as a superheroine.

That is as actually a great thing.

But what is unhealthy is thinking of yourself as…a Messiah.

You know? The savior or liberator who delivers people from all their hardships and bring ultimate rescue.

(Spoiler alert: Jesus is the Messiah. Not you.)

I know that sounds obvious, but let’s be honest—how many times have you run yourself into the ground because you told yourself, “I just want to serve”? You’ve said it about your family. You’ve said it about your husband. You’ve said it about your team. You’ve said it about your clients.

And yes, serving others is good. It’s noble. But sometimes, if we’re honest, what we call “service” is actually rooted in ego.

It’s really not service at all, but a “Savior mentality.”

We don’t want to admit it, but often we overextend because deep down we think:
“If I don’t do this, everything will fall apart. If I don’t fix this, no one else will. If I don’t show up, they won’t make it.”

That’s not the attitude of compassionate services. That’s a messiah complex!

That’s the mindset where someone believes they must save, fix, or rescue everyone around them—often at the cost of their own well-being. It shows up as “If I don’t do this, everything will fall apart” thinking.

It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from the movie Rudy, when Dan “Rudy” Ruettiger – in desperation – asks his Catholic priest if he’s prayed and worked hard enough to get into the University of Notre Dame. Father Cavanaugh looks at Rudy and says:

“Son, in over three decades of theological study, I’ve come up with only two incontrovertible truths: there is a God, and I’m not Him.”

Sometimes we all need that reminder.

Because here’s the truth: you are not infinite. You are not all-powerful. You are not the savior of your spouse, your kids, your business, your clients, or your friends.

You are not there to save them. You are there to serve them.

That’s a big difference.

Your job is to provide value. Your job is to care. Your job is to love well. But there are limits to what you can do—because there are limits to who you are. You’re human. And that’s not a flaw. That’s design.

You can be deeply compassionate without collapsing under the weight of false responsibility.

And when you finally let go of the need to be the savior, you’re free to be what you actually are called to be: a servant who gives, who loves, who serves well—but who knows her limits.

¹This is part IV of a six-part series for Substack, based on a letter I wrote for Morgan, one of my clients, which (at her encouragement) I subsequently published as a booklet you can purchase on Amazon. You can find it here.