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UnmaskedParenting · Aug 2, 2026

Brain & Body Detective Tool

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UnmaskedParenting · UnmaskedParenting

We are not born knowing how to recognize what is happening inside our bodies.

Many neurodivergent brains notice that something feels wrong long before there are words for it. We may know we need to leave the room without knowing why. Or become angry before realizing we were overwhelmed. And many of us only recognize hunger , exhaustion, or overload after we hit a low point.

We often spend years learning what other people expect from us before learning to notice what our own brains and bodies have been communicating all along.

That is okay.

Self-understanding develops over time.

One of the hardest things I have learned is that noticing something is wrong is not the same as knowing what I need.

I can tell you I need to leave long before I can tell you why.

Sometimes my body figures it out before my brain does.

Knowing something is wrong often comes long before knowing what we need.

One way to support that process is by becoming a detective of your own brain and body.

“What’s wrong?” often invites frustration, anxiety, or shame.

Instead, let’s get curious.

Let’s play detective.

It’s more fun anyway.

Autistic occupational therapist Niamh Garvey describes this as developing a detective habit: noticing patterns instead of judging ourselves.

Rather than assuming every difficult moment means failure, we look for clues that help us understand what made access easier or harder.

Whether you are supporting a three-year-old, a teenager, or yourself, the process is the same.

You are gathering information.

You are not looking for evidence to prove old narratives true.

You are collecting evidence to understand yourself or your kid.

Before You Begin

Choose the version that matches the person’s current access, not only their age.

Some older kids, teens, and adults may need fewer questions, concrete choices, visual supports, examples, or help from someone they trust. Some younger kids may be ready for more reflection.

Cognitive level, language access, interoception, alexithymia, emotional education, and current capacity all affect what someone can answer.

There is no correct level to begin with.

A person may answer independently, answer collaboratively, choose from options, communicate nonverbally, or have a trusted adult reflect alongside them.

Do not insist on an answer.

Sometimes gathering possible clues together is enough.

Use the tool in whatever way is sustainable.

Every day is okay.

Once a week works too.

You can also return to it only when you remember or after something feels especially hard.

Over time, noticing these clues can help you and your kid recognize what is changing, what support might help, and what makes access easier.

This is not another routine you have to do perfectly.

One clue is enough.

Continue Growing with Unmasked Parenting

If this resource helped you see yourself or your kid differently, keep growing with Unmasked Parenting.

Paid subscribers receive evidence-informed articles, practical tools, printable resources, and honest conversations about raising neurodivergent kids while caring for neurodivergent adults.

Together, we are building a different way of participating in family life; one rooted in understanding instead of shame, access instead of compliance, and connection instead of perfection.

Join us as we continue learning, unmasking, and growing together.

The remainder of this article is for paid subscribers.

Read the original on unmaskedparenting.substack.com

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