125 - things fall apart

it’s our second to last day here and i don’t know if i’m ready to go. i’m angry and heartbroken and worried and relieved and excited. sometimes you feel so many things in so many different directions you just need somewhere to focus it all, to point it all in one direction, and that is how you ruin a relationship.

i know you’re feeling suffocated you don’t have any space and there’s all this pressure but it’s not fair to focus it all on them. they’re not the problem. there is no problem. the whole world is just fine the moon was red tonight who knows how long it’ll be before i see another moonset like this again? we suffer while the world churns on.

so many things to do tomorrow. there isn’t a single position on a single chair i can sit in comfortably in this house. is that a sign? yes. a sign that we need new furniture. we’re lucky uncomfortable chairs are a matter for discontent. we ordered six small bottles of water with our food tonight because we don’t want to fill seven cups of water from the fountain in the kitchen. we’re willing to wait twenty minutes longer for water if it’ll come pre-poured and bottled. that is how privileged we are. hegemony colonizers capitalism corruption if we can get something faster and with less effort we will, by any means. there’s really nothing great or superior about any system that has ruled because it’s always been and always will be run by idiots, or to be honest psychotically violent and perverted idiots. because seizing maintaining and spreading power has always been and continues to be a matter of violence. whoever can be the most violent, most brutal, most tactically and efficiently murderous, wins the crown. you’ll say no we live in a democracy i say we live in an illusion where we think we vote for our crown but really we vote for someone who votes for someone who works for someone who works for the crown. and the illusion of participation is set up solely to hold you the citizen responsible for the crown’s brutality. oh you don’t like it? well you voted for it so if you don’t like it vote different next time. no no this pacing around on the ground in circles won’t do it won’t get us anywhere, we need to cut right through to the top, only joker level disruptions meet the times. you don’t like it? make a sign and go yell in the streets, but to the side so people can pass.

i’m not saying democracy is bad i’m just saying i don’t believe in it. i don’t mind what we have going, i’m not especially impressed but i’m also not upset about being born now and not a couple hundred years ago, a pre-electricity word. electricity gave a whole new meaning to let there be light. and i’ll bet there are better things in the future, because even though megalomaniacs have always and probably will continue to be “in charge”, they’re still idiots and they will destroy themselves and there will be better kinder more intelligent people who rose from the people standing behind them waiting to steer the ship back on course but they’ll eventually hand over the wheel and it’ll all start over again. things fall apart, the centre cannot hold, mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

goodnight <3