When nothing existed here

Talofa all,

I wrote a little piece today that is a little light, a little humorous (but always with my trademark dark edge). Thought I’d post this as a little relief from the big stuff that we are dealing with so much these days. I hope you enjoy your ride with Shirley who I sort of love and hate in equal portions. Over to you Shirley…

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Hellooooo everyone, my name is Shirley, this is an eco friendly shuttle, you’re buckled in safely and off we go to discover the botanical gardens and the real Christchurch! And back we go to 1845 to the mother country when Christchurch was planned in England by a group of nobles. They sat down and they pegged out a plan with a cathedral at the centre, surrounded by 150 hectares of fields, which 180 years later has become our beautiful city.

Well, of course, those ‘fields’ didn’t exist back then, it was all wild native bush here. But it wasn’t too long before our nobles had it all cut down, nice and flat and neat and now Christchurch is known far and wide as the most English city in New Zealand!

Oops, I’m jumping ahead of myself! Back to our nobles. They hadn’t yet decided where they wanted Christchurch to go, so, out they came to New Zealand on sailing ships. And Bob’s your uncle, lucky for us, they plonked it down here! They named the city after the private boy’s school, Christ’s College, which is also at the heart of our city.

What’s that? Oh yes, The Maori name for Christchurch? Yes, I am supposed to tell you about that, I always forget, hahaha! It was after a chief chappie called Oh…Oh… hang on, I’ve got it written down somewhere… yes, here we are… Oh-too-too-hee…close enough, hahaha!

In 1863, 21 hectares was set aside for these botanical gardens and 5 hectares for the Christ’s College school. That’s it next door, over there on your right. The school is 175 years old this year and a little birdie told me fees cost $100 thousand per year, per student if you want to send your little darling there. Boys only, mind.

Just ahead is the Peacock fountain - named after its benefactor – brought all the way from Shropshire. Some people say it’s gaudy, but, well, I’m fond of it, aren’t you?

On your left here: in 1888 brought over from California we have Redwood, Oak, Hazelnut. Up ahead, Norway maple, Japanese maple and Morrocan.

What’s that? Kauri? No, no, the funny thing is, kauri just refuses to propagate here…

Who likes flowers? Okaaay, here we are: Hydrangeas, Dutch elm and 180 varieties of dahlias. We have 30 gardeners and four Chinese chappies who are actually very good gardeners too!

On your right is an incredibly aunthentic replica of a native New Zealand forest….

Okaaay, let’s just zoom up here to the Monterey cyprus from California. And one of my favourite parts of the gardens – Lakes Victoria and Albert. Lake Victoria was dug out to mark Queen Victoria’s 60^th diamond jubilee and Albert of course is named after her husband. So romantic!

Teaming with birds of course: Canada geese, ducks, pigeons, scorp, that strange little black diving duck. Yes, yes, it’s a native…

Now moving on, we are calling this area Gondwanaland, remembering when we were all part of one big continent, and this Wollemi pine dates back 60 million years!

Yes, I think you’re right, sir, I think the Abos did used to eat them. Well, the pine-cones anyway, hahaha!

And here we are ladies and gentlemen at the end of our journey through Christchurch’s botanical garden and our 180 year history. Every time I take this tour it makes me grateful that I wasn’t born back then when nothing existed here. My ancestors had to work hard to create this city and I’m very proud.

So, ladies and gentlemen, we end in my favourite place, the place that symbolizes the real Christchurch. The Cathedral might have fallen, but we have this: the Rose Garden.