Gratitude doesn’t always show up on time

I still remember when Sandie Sedgbeer parachuted into my life like a shimmering Gemini goddess from above.

Our mutual friend Penney Peirce had introduced us with a gentle suggestion that I might join Sandie as a guest on her No BS Spiritual Bookclub. I will confess that I had not heard of Sandie or her sassy show before then, but I am a sucker for anyone who is courageous and carefree enough to put a curse word in a title.

It turns out Sandie is so much more than a seasoned host, she is a storytelling shaman. Her questions weaved the very narrative that gave birth to this project in our conversation about finding gratitude in U.S. politics, and she is now offering this same creative awakening service to the public with her brilliant storytelling course.

I was so delighted to chat with Sandie about how she works with gratitude in the world of media and publishing, and it was especially fun to ask her the same sorts of spicy No BS questions she asked me. Sandie brings cunning and curiosity to every conversation, and she loves to explore themes from unusual angles... so get ready to turn gratitude on its head.

Sandie and I also invite you to join us for a LIVE Q&A on Thursday, July 23 @ 9:30 am Pacific / 12:30 pm Eastern / 5:30 pm UK / 6:30 pm Europe here on Substack. It’s a chance for you to ask your questions, too, and for us all to share time together in a healing state of gratitude. Click here to join us when the moment arrives.

PS: Check out my interview on surprising changes with Uranus in Gemini with Sandie Sedgbeer and quantum physicist Cynthia Sue Larson. It was one of the most unexpected conversations I’ve ever had!

You’ve talked with so, so, so many spiritual teachers over the past decades. What are the most inspiring words you have ever heard about gratitude?

After all those conversations, I can’t recall any particular quote that stood out.

What stuck is the plain truth that gratitude is really just paying attention. It’s so easy to miss our own lives when we’re busy, rushing from one thing to next, worrying, fixing, thinking ahead to the next task… Gratitude has a way of bringing us back to the present, to what’s right in front of us: a friend who calls just when you need it; a dog wagging its tail, delighted to see you when you come home; a small unexpected kindness; a helpful conversation that shifts something for you… an opportunity that you’ve been longing for. The best teachers never made gratitude feel like a chore. They simply reminded me that it’s about noticing things. Noticing is bigger than it might seem. I’m grateful for those moments when someone or something reminds me to stop… notice… savor… and I think - wow! I almost missed that, and I’m so glad I didn’t.

You have no doubt also read spiritual books that fell totally flat, and gratitude can so easily fall into the platitudes we see on greeting cards. What are you sick of hearing about when it comes to gratitude?

I’ll admit that I’m tired of hearing that we must be grateful for every last thing, especially when life is throwing something painful, scary, or downright unfair our way. Telling someone to ‘look for the blessing’ is bad advice and even a shaming thing to say to someone - it minimizes our feelings, makes us feel guilty for not rising above the situation and being grateful. All it does is encourage us to sidestep our pain. The fact is, sometimes life is just plain awful. People can behave terribly. And there isn’t always a tidy spiritual lesson waiting for us at the end, all wrapped up with a bow. That’s the kind of marshmallow spirituality that I have no time for.

I’m also weary of gratitude being pitched as some sort of deal with the universe: jot down five things every morning, boost your mood, and apparently abundance will show up before lunch. Gratitude is worthwhile all on its own. It doesn’t have to deliver a new car, a soulmate, a book contract, or a fatter bank account. Real gratitude can keep company with anger, grief, disappointment, and confusion. It doesn’t ask us to pretend that everything is sunshine and roses.

Some of the things that I have been most grateful for in my life are the plain and simple - yet utter and profound - shifts in my perception, my outlook, my attitude towards something. For example, like all parents and grandparents, I used to worry a lot about my kids and grandchildren. I’d focus on all the awful ‘what if’s’ around any challenging situations in their life and imagine the worst outcomes. Then my friend Suzy Miller said something that stopped me in my in my tracks and completely changed that habit. All she said was: “So long as you’re worrying about them, you’re not loving them.” That was so profound, so true, that it completely cured me of the worrying habit. Those are the kinds of things I am very, very grateful for.

So, my advice to people is: Sure, be grateful for what you’ve got, but don’t forget to be grateful for what you don’t have, too!

You’ve always been passionate about media, and right now it’s hard to tune into the news without seeing sensationalized stories of suffering. What can we be grateful for about the mainstream news, and how would mass media look different if it were to embrace a perspective of gratitude?

I started out as a journalist in the 1970s, landing my first job at a well-known international magazine. Over time, I’ve seen journalism change—sometimes for the better, sometimes not. The media isn’t as impartial as it used to be, and it doesn’t always focus on telling the truth. Even so, I’m grateful that real journalism still exists. The best journalists show up, ask tough questions, bring attention to hidden issues, and make it harder for suffering to go unnoticed.

The problem is, much of today’s news business seems controlled by people who care more about power than good sense. At some point, the focus moved from telling the truth to creating outrage and fear. People become headlines, statistics, or characters in a story, and then the attention quickly shifts elsewhere.

If the media focused more on gratitude, it would still report on suffering and injustice, but it would also highlight courage, clever ideas, recovery, and the people quietly fixing things behind the scenes. Rather than just delivering one emotional shock after another, it would give us context and let people keep their dignity. Maybe then we’d remember that there are good people doing positive things every day, even if they never make the evening news.

You’ve grown by leaps and bounds, jumping between companies and careers and countries. These big transitions can bring big turmoil, and how did gratitude help you personally move through them?

What I’ve found is that gratitude doesn’t always show up on time, that gratitude doesn’t always come after we arrive safely at the other end.

During some of those transitions, I was too busy coping, adapting or wondering what on earth I had done to feel especially grateful. Leaving the UK and moving to America looked almost impossible at the time. But oddly, although there were so many hurdles to cross, the pathway itself was somehow made remarkably easy. Every time a problem cropped up, a solution appeared. The right person turned up. A door opened. The next step became clear. And I had no grand plan. I was following my intuition, which kept saying, Go to America. Sometimes gratitude is what helps us recognise the next step while we are still standing in the middle of the unknown.

Looking back, I can see that every move gave me something: new people, different perspectives, unexpected opportunities and a larger understanding of myself. Even the decisions that appeared disastrous at the time pushed me towards work, places and relationships I might never otherwise have found. Gratitude helped me stop treating each change as evidence that I had failed to settle down properly. I began to recognise that curiosity, reinvention and a willingness to begin again are not just part of my nature; they’re a driving force in my life.

And I know that, if I reach my deathbed still fully cognizant, I will look back on my life with gratitude. Even the first part, which was far from normal or comfortable, gave me the ambition, resilience and persistence I needed for everything that came afterwards. Gratitude did not always help me understand what was happening while I was in the middle of it. It helped me recognise, sometimes much later, that even the most difficult transitions had carried me somewhere I needed to go.

As you look back over your career, there must be so many things you seriously considered and didn’t end up pursuing. What are you grateful you didn’t do?

I’m glad I didn’t stay put simply because it seemed safe or sensible. There were plenty of paths that looked good on paper - a steady job, more money, a predictable career, and a simple answer when someone asked what I did. But if I had chosen that kind of life, I would have missed the odd, surprising and sometimes downright unlikely adventures that came instead.

I am especially grateful that I didn’t allow other people’s ideas about what was realistic, appropriate or possible to make all my decisions for me. Some of my best choices probably looked highly questionable on paper. And I’m grateful for the voice that kept urging me forward, even though I didn’t know whose voice it was or where it came from. Had I waited for everything to be handed to me on a plate, or for a clear highway to appear in front of me, I would still be waiting.

You have always felt close to America, so much so that you became a U.S. citizen. The country has shifted radically in recent years; what changes are you grateful for?

I truly love both countries, which means I am constantly torn between them. My family, my history, and so much of who I am are rooted in the UK. It is in my blood. But America has always pulled at me. I remember hearing the word America when I was about five years old, and it was as though it suddenly appeared in neon lights. I had no idea why, but something in me recognized it. Someone once summed up my dilemma by saying, “Your heart is in England, but your soul is in America,” and I think there is a great deal of truth in that.

I now have dual citizenship, which, as a Gemini, feels entirely appropriate. We have to have two of everything. So I have two countries, two families, two tribes and, in many ways, two distinctly different lives. Both countries are complicated. I love them, and I am deeply troubled by aspects of what each has become. Becoming an American citizen did not require me to surrender my critical faculties. I am grateful that more people are questioning stories that were once accepted without examination. We are having much more open conversations about power, race, gender, trauma, inequality, mental health and who has traditionally been allowed a voice. Those conversations can be uncomfortable, clumsy and fiercely contested, but silence serves nobody.

I am grateful for the people who continue to organise, speak up, vote, investigate, teach, create, protest and care for their communities. I am particularly encouraged by younger generations who are far less willing to accept “that’s just the way things are” as a satisfactory answer. America has always contained enormous contradictions: generosity and greed, vision and violence, reinvention and resistance. What I remain grateful for is its capacity to question itself, challenge itself and keep reaching towards something it has not yet fully managed to become.

And I am grateful for being a Gemini—for the personality, flexibility and attitudes that come with that sign. I can juggle two countries, two cultures and two lives. I can be happy in both places and, perhaps most importantly, completely present wherever I happen to be.

Huge thank you to Sandie Sedgbeer for joining me, and for changing the way I see gratitude. It’s been a powerful reminder of gratitude works (and doesn’t work) across space and time, both how it might not always feel accessible or even appropriate in the moment and how it nonetheless manages to weave our lives together like a golden thread. You can follow Sandie’s work here on Substack, on YouTube, and on her website.

If you’d like to bring even more gratitude to your life, I invite you to subscribe for weekly personal essays, monthly gatherings, and golden opportunity forecasts that bring joy, love and hope to your daily life on Planet Earth ✨🌎✨

🧙 I am an intuitive life coach, energy healer and astrologer. I’m also a creative writer, and I used to be a human rights lawyer.

🪄 I help people open their hearts and recreate their lives from a more joyful place. Together we’ll clear away the blocks that prevent you from making more conscious choices, and we’ll connect you with the support you need to bring greater success. You’ll learn to tune into opportunities with intuition and discernment, and you’ll make choices that bring lasting fulfillment. We’ll also have a good time, because getting in flow with Our Universe always delivers moments of wonder and delight.

🫶 I work with individuals, couples, groups, teams and organizations through my company Truth Takes Time. I work best with people who have some spiritual experience and are ready to step into bigger shoes. If this sounds like you, I invite you to check out my website and book a session. Or if you want to speed date, grab a 20-minute flash session for a bolt of insight that could change it all.

⚡️Book a Flash Session⚡️

Love,

Patrick