Auguries of Anguish

I was standing in the rain. Alone. Because she was gone and my heart went with her.

Everything important takes effort, nothing worthwhile comes free. At least that’s what they tell you. But my love for her took no effort, it just was. And there was never anything in my life that was better than that.

But she is gone and the rain keeps falling.

I haven’t had a good life. I’ve never been one of those people who felt I was entitled to a good life. I’ve never felt I was entitled to anything. So when the storms came and washed everything away I was never disappointed. I never expected any better.

But it’s raining right now.

I met her in the rain, standing where I am standing now. We were both lost. We stumbled upon each other like one of those 80’s love songs. Our initial encounter keeping rhythm with every Journey song you’ve ever heard. And her tears mixed with the rain and the rain mixed with her eye-shadow and out that darkness her green eyes pierced me.

And we fell in love, in the rain.

Our time together was like a dream. And looking back it seems almost as if our happiness drugged us. It came so unexpected, neither of our lives had been any good. Neither of our expectations had contemplated this. We had only known misery until that day when we fell so deeply in love that the world disappeared. Everything vanished except her.

Everything except the rain.

But she got sick and the ambulance came and took her away, but the ambulance never made it to the hospital. The weather was bad, they said, visibility was zero, but I could see everything. I can still see it now. They lost control and I lost everything and my whole world was washed away.

As she died in the rain.

I’ve tried to live my life but everything that matters is gone. And so I came here, where we first met when our lives meant nothing but we never cared. Until the rain brought us together. Until the rain took us apart. And I don’t know if I can catch her, but i’m sure going to try. I’ll walk forever if I have to, into the sky.

Into the rain.

…sneak home and pray, you’ll never know, the hell where youth and laughter go.

You’ve been the only thing that’s right, in a lifetime.