Turnip Violation

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN that certain Parishioners have been observed in flagrant breach of proper herb-substitution conduct, namely the wearing, wielding, fastening, flourishing, dangling, balancing, or otherwise displaying parsley, nettles, and turnip peelings in place of the Official Parish Protection Herbs. Such conduct constitutes a violation of the TURNIP (The Unauthorised Regulation of…