A letter I'll never send

Fuck. I miss you. And I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm apologizing for, really. I'm sorry that the abuse I went through impacted you. I hate you a little for letting me believe I could love you again if I went through hell to get out of there. Do you even know what happened that night? Do you know that your mistake led to one of the worst nights with him? Do you know that I had to look him in the…