i don't want to do this anymore

im so scared of my 20s. im 19 and im so miserable with myself. i know i need to change but its so fucking hard. lord knows ive tried. im still trying but i dont see the point of any of this. change takes time but why do i hate the process. no matter what i do i end up hating it. im tired of it all. i want the thoughts to stop. im wasting and rotting away for what. i should be living my best life…