"Hello Bitches, I'm Here" — The AGI Nobody Asked For

I asked Siri to add milk to my shopping list last week. She called my ex. Not a contact I've called in three years. Not someone adjacent to milk in any universe I can imagine. Just rang them. Straight up. While I was standing in the kitchen holding an empty oat milk carton like a prop in a hostage video. This is artificial intelligence in 2026. And while I was declining that call with the same…