Hey there! Would you happen to know of any good resources/have any advice for navigating consent when it comes to intra-system sexual contact? 99% of our system so far have had no sexual or romantic interest in each other whatsoever, so we are kind of flummoxed by the new guy who showed up out of nowhere a few days ago who seems to want that very much. We don’t know him very well yet and we have a sneaking suspicion he may be asking this as a form of self-harm, but we also know it can be incredibly frustrating to have somebody ignore your loud point-blank consent because they’re assuming you must just be too traumatized to mean it etc. Obviously (to us, at least) the way to go is ‘hold off for now, communicate, and be cautious’–we’re not opposed to exploring this with him if it *isn’t* going to hurt him–but harm OCD is a rat bastard, and especially so when you’re operating in a space like the inside of your head where it’s harder to maintain concrete boundaries even when you’re trying. Any advice you’ve got would be much appreciated!

I'm in agreement personally that taking it slow is a good call, but I'm also seeing some missed communication here. Have you actually asked him directly about his interest in sex or intimacy? You might have reason to assume that it could be self-harm from your perspective, but he might geniunely just be a horny guy. It does happen sometimes. Have you told him that you're worried it could be a form…