Down Deep

i always wanted to be one of the girls. i always thought this sentiment was anathema. i still want to be one of the girls. i never knew this sentiment was my reality since time knows when. i can feel layers of conditioning dripping from my face, distorting and contorting my silhouette, as if i had built myself up to be a replica mannequin made of wax on display at a wax museum, but i never built…