Laravel Octane (FrankenPHP) vs. PHP-FPM: what I measured, and why we went back

Laravel Octane promises a faster Laravel: keep your app booted in memory, skip the framework bootstrap on every request, do less work per request. We run a fleet of uptime-checker boxes at Oh Dear that do nothing but fire HTTP, TCP, and ping checks at the sites we monitor, so I figured they&rsquo;d be a good, low-risk place to try it. We moved a handful of them from PHP-FPM to Octane on FrankenPHP…