sabotage

i have a death wish. i like to self sabotage: when the toxicity rises, i dangle myself above the pot, and refuse to pull back. i am a pile of jenga blocks, each unable to move. i am tied up. i am limp. i hate myself for doing this. i hate that i hate myself. only the lord can take this away, but he doesn't. he wants me to suffer. all the answers are locked away until the storm passes. i do not…