Why Saying "Calm Down" Never Works (and what does)

When another person is upset or angry, our instinct can be to help them lower their emotional temperature by saying something like, "Just calm down," or, "Relax," or, "Take a breath," or, "Look at the facts." However, saying those things when the other person is in the heat of the moment can have the reverse effect from what we were hoping for. The reason is simple: People who do not feel heard…