why do I still discipline myself through shame?

As I enter a new chapter of my life, I keep wanting to become more "disciplined" - better at my job, better at writing, better at making money. When I dissect my thought process, though, I realize that, most of the times, my discipline runs on shame: I don't have enough money saved, which means I can't afford things, which means I am less than my peers, which means I have to instill a rigid, iron…