kill -9 Is a Feature: Auto-Healing a One-Box ML API Without Root

The numbers were real, and that was the problem. We had an embedding model we believed was about to top MTEB English, and a reviewer had agreed to prove it: reproduce the benchmark against a live endpoint, on their own schedule, over the next three days. That is a wonderful sentence and a terrifying one. Wonderful because someone credible was finally going to confirm the work. Terrifying because…