A Whistle Blowing in a Pikmin Face, Forever: On The Moral Depravity of Captain Olimar, Gaming History's Greatest Monster

Recently, I have been playing the classic Nintendo video game series "Pikmin", and have reached two conclusions. Firstly, they are excellent and very enjoyable video games. Secondly, they form the bleakest fictional dystopia yet conceived by man. The Hunger Games? Amateurish. Never Let Me Go? Takes a while to really kick in. The Handmaid's Tale? Strong competition, but Pikmin edges it. Allow me to…