Running an Android Emulator on macOS Without Android Studio

All I wanted was a phone screen with a Play Store on it. I had an APK to sanity-check and no interest in downloading a multi-gigabyte IDE to look at it once. The Android emulator ships as a standalone SDK component, it runs natively on Apple Silicon through Hypervisor.framework, and this should have been a fifteen-minute job. It was not a fifteen-minute job. Why this was harder than it should have…