Happy Meals for Seniors

I’m not the only old lady who orders a kid’s meal at fast-food restaurants, right? The workers behind the counter never look at me funny when I order one, even back in the days when I did so apologetically and asked for permission, so I’m clearly not an anomaly. And if there are many of us out here seeking a more petite portion of fast food, wouldn’t it be a good idea for these establishments to market to us directly? To McDonald’s and Burger King and Wendy’s and anybody else who puts a hamburger and a tiny package of fries and a toy in a cardboard box for children, I hereby propose: the Senior Meal.

The box can stay, but let’s lose the childish design. A simple solid color, or maybe something that looks like a little picnic basket.

For the beverage, let’s keep it simple: a bottle of water or a juice box. We might need a hit of sugar or something to take a pill with, but we don’t need to find our way around your huge complicated soda dispenser, or find the lid that fits, or use one of those straws that tastes like sucking your beverage through a magazine perfume ad. Water or juice’d be fine, thanks.

Finally, in place of the toy, give us something more older-adult friendly, like:

• a squeeze ball

• a pill box

• a discount coupon for our next visit

• a collapsible cup

• a pen

• a magnifying square

• a package of tissues

• breath mints

• hand sanitizer

Could you go for a grown-up kid’s meal? Register your vote in the poll below, and then share your own fast-food dreams in the comments.