Existential musings

There’s something about being on holiday which prompts existential musing. Something to do with waking up with no agenda for the day – which I had assumed, quite wrongly, was what retirement was all about. Last week I was away in Wales and my reading prompted a return to questions that I’ve returned to many times over the years.

These included – was it really a virgin birth? A third day resurrection? I realised that I long since ceased to care whether these things were real or metaphoric. All the energy and angst which goes with taking a position and defending it seems like a waste since they are powerful metaphors either way. Arguments over literal truth feel like a distraction, a misdirection, while the real thing is happening elsewhere. But what is the real thing, the real message? To me it seems that the message of the virgin birth is that we’re all children of god, all have the divine DNA, all both human and divine. The message of Easter is that we all bear wounds and at the same time we’re all survivors, veterans of resurrection.

My difficulty with the Christian church over the years has not been a loss of faith, as some might see it, not a negation of belief. Rather it is that the Christianity taught in the churches seems to me to be too small, too narrow, too beguiled by notions of exclusivity, focussed on creeds and liturgy. As a result, the real messages are missed – and these are about universality, inclusiveness, and love. I distrust creeds, am suspicious of liturgy, find these things difficult to say – there’s so little room for caveats! I like the symbolism of holy communion but not the language around it. I know how important these things can be to others, but I can’t subscribe. What I can subscribe to is the idea of something beyond, a divine, for which our shorthand is God, to which people of all religions and none have access, a relationship, acknowledged or not. That feels true to me – and, naturally, I’m happy for others to disagree! Provided, of course, that they don’t pressure me to change my views…

Not a creed
I no longer believe
in the Nicene creed
the virgin birth
the resurrection
original sin
the one way to God
which trumps all others
finding more truth and credibility
in all creation being
related to the creator
sharing woundedness and love
seeking connection and reassurance
finding different pathways
through the trials and pains of life
losing our way
inflicting suffering
finding forgiveness
containing deep within
however well hidden
that spark of divinity