Riding The Storm: May

Hey everyone, I'm back from a life-changing experience in Brazil. Together with ayahuasca, some dear friends and new friends, I shared five incredibly formative weeks. I feel a greater sense of trust in myself, the world and thus the life I'm building. Read more in this month's article!

- Tom

P.S. Riding The Storm is my new newsletter name - navigating the strong waves of our unravelling world, cultivating resilience. Let me know what you think!

🦸 Harness your Hero, Online Course

Discover your sustainability alter-ego in this 5-week online course that I’m co- facilitating with my dear friend Chance at VIRIDESCENT - an immersive sustainability community for changemakers. Learn more and save your spot here

🍄Decomposing the Shadow, Book, James Jesso

I stumbled upon this book in the ayahuasca retreat centre library. It’s a highly informative yet concise 101 on the power of psilocybin mushrooms and how to work with them intentionally - highly recommended!

⚝ Thinking in Systems, Book, Donella Meadows

In a world dominated by individualism, learning to think and act systemically is a rare but essential mindset. If we’re to respond meaningfully to our complex web of systemic crises, developing this way of thinking is crucial.

🤖 Writing with AI, Video, David Perell

I’ve long admired David Perell for his insights into writing online. He recently retired his online writing school in response to the rise of AI. This video is the clearest explanation I’ve found on how to collaborate with AI in your writing.
Hint: It’s not yet a brilliant writer, but it makes a useful editor - let’s see what you think of this month’s blog… ;)

I'd always wanted to be a father. Growing up, I had encouraging role models; two dedicated parents who loved me dearly and a wonderful brother. Although my childhood wasn't perfect, nurturing young life and creating a loving family of my own never even felt like a choice - it was obviously what I aspired for.

But in 2019, this foundational dream was shaken. Attending my first Extinction Rebellion "Heading for Extinction" talk shifted my perspective. The full gravity of our climate and ecological crises hit home: future generations would suffer immensely (as many already are). At 26 years old, my naive immature world-view was ripped away and replaced with painful truths.

I quit my job that year, originally intending to build a personal development business, but ultimately devoting half my time to climate activism.

🤯Since then, I've grappled endlessly with existential questions:

• Is it ethical to bring children into an unravelling world?

• How can we drive systemic change to create a sustainable, just future for all?

• How can I live a fulfilling life, knowing the harsh realities we face?

I’ve written about these challenges, grieved deeply, and facilitate therapy sessions and (psychedelic) retreats to help other changemakers tackle them.

Last November felt like the final straw: Trump 2.0, coupled with my five-year anniversary in climate activism with a worsening global picture, left me deeply discouraged. Over the years, my certainty about having children had faded from 95% in favour to a reluctant 60-40 against. Near-term civilizational breakdown felt inevitable, with collapse to follow over subsequent decades. I'd lost faith.

🌿Enter, ayahuasca.

For those unfamiliar, ayahuasca is considered the grandmother of psychoactive plant medicines. Compared to the psilocybin truffles I work with in the Netherlands, ayahuasca offers a deeper experience (if I massively generalise.)

She's perceived by many psychonauts as a powerful being that's immensely loving yet incredibly strict. If necessary, she'll show you who's boss. Your egoic mind's attempts of controlling your journey are futile, even at medium doses.

During the first of my five ayahuasca journey's, I confronted grief and loss. Lying in the ceremony room, I faced the inevitability of losing my parents, tapping into my partner's grief of losing her father 18 months ago. And when thoughts of parenthood arose, an internal emotional reaction emerged: "No, it’s too much suffering. I can't do that."

🌲But journeying outdoors in stunning nature provided the setting I needed

I was seated on a flat rock amid a stream cascading from a waterfall, enveloped by lush forest. Drawn to a pool at the slope’s base, I stripped off my clothes (embracing the nudist hippie I seem to have become) and immersed myself in the refreshing water.

I stood in the pool, hands on hips, and gazed around the forest in stunned admiration; appreciating the delicate vines, charming bird songs and the ripples spreading out across the water's surface. I felt deeply at home.

We're held by the world because we are it. That's our resilience. We're all entwined as part of an interconnected web of life whose role is to serve that web. When we lose that connection; we're afraid.

"A single stick may break, but in a bundle they are strong."
- Buddhist proverb

Returning to my rock, I drank a second small cup of ayahuasca. Then the manic journalling began. I was going to live in an eco-village community or build one with my friends. That's the resilient home where we'll nurture our families.

Admittedly, psychedelics can induce a sense of absolute clarity that often borders on delusion. But this insight persisted into the subsequent ceremony and integration conversations, anchoring into a calm, intuitive knowing.

During my fourth journey, our group camped on a savannah-like plain, drinking ayahuasca on boulders spread out along a nearby stream. That evening, while others roasted potato slices on a stone-built stove, I wandered alone onto the plains. And gazed out over endless rolling hills during the golden hour sunset.

✨Overwhelmed with gratitude, I exclaimed "Wow. Thank you for this life."

Holding life in reverence, cultivating gratitude is key to trust. I realised that I wanted to bring life into this world so they can experience its abundant beauty. Yes, they will inevitably suffer. But perhaps suffering, like grief, is an integral part of fully embracing human existence:

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering” - Nietzsche

I’m learning to simultaneously hold both the light and the dark, accepting contradictions. I trust that we’ll find meaning in the suffering. And together, we’ll ensure this life is worth living for the next generation.

On my final night at the retreat, I drank my last cup of ayahuasca alone in my room. I lit a few candles and lay down on my bed, safely encapsulated by my mosquito net. Serenaded by sounds of frogs, birds and insects, I drifted away into the night. With bliss, love and trust.

--

Two important notes:

🏵️ Thank you to the indigenous wisdom keepers who have preserved and passed down their knowledge of ayahuasca and other plant medicines through generations. May we honour their teachings by working respectfully and intentionally with these sacred plants in connection with the web of life.

🌍 The effects of the global meta-crises disproportionately impact people of colour, especially those in the Global South. Recognizing my privilege, my aim is to cultivate capacities that empower others to act from love rather than fear, actively supporting those on the front lines.

Hiking in the Brazilian Highlands, prioritising functionality over fashion, as always.

“The story in which we choose to live defines what we can imagine for the world, and how we inhabit it.”

– Joanna Macy

Thanks for reading!

-Tom 💚