Wrestling with Right Speech

My altar sits under a thangka of Avalokiteshvara, and includes a statue of the Buddha, incense, candles, flowers, water bowls. I wear my mala beads every day. I post articles about compassion on my social media spaces.

But guess what? None of that matters if I don’t do the work. . .which involves both observation and action. I’m getting really good at observation. Taking action is much harder.

In Buddhism, there is an ethical structure called 8-fold path: 1 right view, 2 right intention, 3 right speech, 4 right action, 5 right livelihood, 6 right effort, 7 right mindfulness, and 8 right concentration. Right speech and right action are the ones that came to the surface last week. Especially right speech, which asks that we refrain from speech that is false, divisive, harsh, or just idle chatter.

With any moral compass, you need to look at it every now and then, orient yourself, correct your course by it. Brutal truth? I’ve been way off, in the ‘right speech’ department. But I get away with it because my bloopers are tiny. They’re nuanced little dances with the dark edges. Subtle as they are, my transgressions have covered an awful lot of ground:

• A harsh retort in a moment of irritation.

• Idle chatter on a family text thread.

• Divisive speech—siding with my friend’s anger at someone, and throwing in supportive conversational asides (Yeah, screw that guy! What an asshole.)

• And false speech. Again, little miniscule stuff. Like, if I’m late getting somewhere, I might exaggerate the reason why. Or, if I just don’t wanna deal with the fallout of what I think my wife’s opinion will be of me, I might omit some facts in the telling of a random thing that happened.

  Without the instagram filter—these things are basic lies.

1. The first step of practicing right speech is recognizing when it isn’t:
   What follows is an instance where I noticed in time.

   I was about to send out this Monday email to my substack subscribers. This usually includes 1) a blogpost from me, 2) wisdom from someone else, and 3) something extra—comedy usually, or music, so you end it with a smile.

   I had found the perfect offering for that last section. It was a youtube clip—Miss South Carolina answering a question (competing for the Miss America title). Not only was she hilariously inarticulate, but someone had matched up all the vocal inflections to her answer with music. I came so close to posting it.

   But something made me look at this moment through the lens of the 8-fold path.

   If I’d posted it, I’d be broadcasting someone’s less than stellar moment to my whole audience so that everyone could point and laugh at her. I’d be using my position, my platform to actively ridicule another human being who, through no fault of her own, was just not as good with words as I am.

   Wow. That act puts me in the same boat with Donald Trump.

   And not only would I be harming her, I would be harming myself and everyone reading my blog…by encouraging them to behave in ways that I don’t think anyone should behave. How does that square with the me that sits on my meditation cushion and prays for the world?

2. The next step of practicing right speech is refraining:

   Thank God I saw it in time. I recognized what was going on, and decided not to follow through. I put something else in its place. (see below—it’s hilarious, but it doesn’t shame anyone.) This is a very small step in the right direction; but it is these seemingly inconsequential steps that make all the difference.
   |
   Just deciding not to give cruelty a megaphone has shifted my trajectory.

I’m not saying let’s all be Debbie Downers about everything. There’s room for laughter and fun. There’s a lot of room for us not to take ourselves so seriously. But let’s stay awake. Let’s not forget that words have power, and that power can cut both ways.

This excerpt from a poem by William Stafford says it best:
”. . .I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider—
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give — yes or no, or maybe —
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.”

Click here for the whole poem.

An extremely rare peek into the life of a professional parkour athlete. This level of skill is only achieved through years of discipline and training. It’s not for everybody. But this one is for you.