A better question to ask than “What are your goals?”

The New Year rolls in and suddenly everything is all about goals, hustle, and accomplishments. The primary guiding question becomes “what will you do?”

In our culture it is easy to build an identity around what we do. One of the first questions asked is often, “What do you do?” in small talk settings because our culture finds this information to be essential and informative in getting to know someone.

But what we do doesn’t fully define us. When stepping into the new year I think a better question is simply, “who am I becoming?”

One year, instead of setting new years goals I lined out a few identity statements I wanted to be true of myself. One was “I’m the type of person who prioritizes working out.” We had recently moved to Tennessee and I wasn’t in the habit of working out regularly because in Colorado I didn’t need to. (Our whole life up there in the mountains was a workout.)

Not only did I start truly prioritizing workouts that year but it became one of my core hobbies…and it stuck. It wasn’t just a change for that year letting me check off an arbitrary box on a list of goals. Instead, I really experienced an identity shift and now I can confidently say I am the the type of person who prioritizes working out.

Focusing on our identity instead of an outcome can create lasting change. When the goal is outcome specific like running a marathon we might create a habit we don’t keep once we’ve done the race. We might check off the box of the goal but the habit might not stick with us.

After I had my son, I found new years goals to feel challenging in a new way. Seasons of healing like my experience of early motherhood can make achievement based goal setting feel cruel. Some of us are really just doing the best we can and forcing productivity when we are waiting on God to move can feel exhausting. I wanted to set goals that first new year with a baby, but it felt unmanageable when I was trying to make it through the trenches of postpartum and untangle the mess of trauma I found myself in.

As the fog of that season of life lifted, I found my goals were simple and they were more about who I wanted to become. Now, I feel more confident in who I am and how I show up as a mom. I prioritize getting outside of the house even if it’s just a quick coffee run on a chaotic day. I make sure I take care of myself with alone time throughout the week, time with friends to fill my cup, and lots of playdates so my time isn’t always spent alone. I move my body every day. I rarely check social media (only every couple of months.) I lead a small group for moms at my church. All of these habits or behaviors started with deciding I wanted a shift in my identity and working to align my daily behaviors to that shift without necessarily having a goal to check off.

I think the best shift to make is from achievement questions that define us by what we do to asking formation questions about who we want to become.

Here are a few examples of identity statements:

• I want to become someone who notices.

• I want to become someone who rests without apology.

• I want to become someone who trusts God with unfinished things.

• I want to become someone who is known for praying for my community.

• I want to become someone who shows up for people in times of need.

• I want to become someone who is generous with my time and resources.

You don’t need a full list or a perfectly articulated vision for the year ahead. Becoming is slow, often imperceptible work. Most of it happens in ordinary, unremarkable days—through small choices, repeated practices, and the quiet ways God forms us when no one is watching.

I find so much freedom in knowing that God is the one at work in my life—slowly changing and transforming me with his power. It doesn’t all fall on me. Often, the greatest changes in my life have started as a small gentle nudge to change or shift direction coming from the Spirit and as I continue in that direction, I look back and see how God gradually made a big change in my life.

Identity-based intentions give us room to grow without demanding constant output. They allow seasons of rest, healing, and waiting to count as meaningful formation instead of failure. They remind us that we are not behind simply because our lives don’t look impressive on paper.

So maybe this year, instead of asking yourself what you will accomplish, you simply ask who you want to become—and then let that answer shape your days with kindness and patience.

Growth doesn’t always look like momentum. Sometimes it looks like staying present, honoring your limits, and trusting that God is still at work in you. Becoming is not something you hustle your way into—it’s something God patiently forms over time. And even here, in the in-between, unfinished places, that work is already underway.