Reading · Thoughts With Tumi

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Uhmm, it’s been a while since I sat down and wrote something. I guess I will write about something that is close to my heart. For more than two months, I have been far from God. Not far in the sense that I stopped believing in Him, or stopped knowing He exists. But far in spirit, intimacy, and consistency.

I would wake up and forget to pray. I would go through my day without opening Scripture, then sleep without speaking to Him. Slowly I started feeling it. The exhaustion, the emptiness, and the heaviness that no amount of sleep could fix. Because the truth is, no version of me exists properly without God. I can laugh without Him, post without Him, survive days without Him. But the fact remains that I can’t truly live without Him.

This week I felt a strong urge in my spirit to write about Him again because somewhere between being busy and distracted, I forgot that God is not supposed to be a side part of my life. He is the source of it. I think a lot of us, if not all of us, know exactly what that feels like. We do not always intentionally run away from God. Sometimes we simply stop choosing Him every day. One missed prayer becomes two. Two become four, and before you know it, your Bible is collecting dust while your soul is quietly starving.

What I love about God is that He never stops calling us back, even after all the silence,
distance, and inconsistency. His love remains. That is why this week I found myself back in the book of Psalms after months of being spiritually detached.

There is something about Psalms that reaches places inside the human heart that no motivational speech ever could. The Psalms do not speak to perfect people; they speak to tired people, broken people, people who smile in public and cry in private, and people who are trying to hold on to God with shaking hands. The beautiful thing about Psalms is that it reminds us that even the greatest men of God had moments where they felt weak. David cried, feared, questioned, and fought battles within himself, yet through every storm he kept returning to God. That is what Psalms teaches us.

Go back to God again and again, even when life hurts.

When I was in 7th grade, my dad sat me down and said I should carry Psalms 1 v 1-3 with me for the rest of my life, and it reads as follows:

”Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever they do prospers.”

After reading it for me, he said these exact words to me: A tree planted near water survives because it stays connected to its source. That is exactly what will happen when you stay connected to God. The world can dry up; people can disappoint you, plans can fail, money can disappear, but a soul planted in God will never truly die.These words hit deeper than deep, but as I reflect, I wonder if I still live according to them.

Am I still connected to my source?

Is my delight still in the law of the Lord?

Do I meditate on His law day and night?

I feel like Sway, because I don’t have the answers ( I hope y’all get the reference, lol)

Psalm 23 v 1 says, ”The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” Those words hit differently when my life started falling apart because there were moments where everything around me changed, and I realised that the only constant thing in my life has been God. Friends left me, relationships failed, people switched up, dreams delayed, and life became unfamiliar, but through all of it God remains.

Psalm 46 v 1 says,
”God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.”
The keyword here is: ever-present.
Not sometimes.
Not only when you are doing well.
Not only when you remember to pray, but He is ever-present.
In your mess,
In your confusion,
and
In your silence.
No matter how much this world gives us, it can never replace the presence of God. Money can’t hold you together when your spirit is broken. Fame can’t heal anxiety. People can’t fill spaces inside you that were created for God and only God.

Psalm 34 v 17 says, ”The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles” Not maybe hears them. Not sometimes hears them. He hears them. That means heaven hears the prayers you cry silently in your room. Heaven hears the pain you struggle to explain to people. Heaven hears the tears you wipe away before anyone notices. God sees all of it.

Re mo tshepa le ge go sa tshepiši ka gore yo a re tshepišitšeng wa tshepagala.

Translation: We trust Him even when things do not look promising because the One who promised us is faithful.

At some point you have to realise that faith without works is dead. You cannot stare at an empty glass and expect it to fill itself with water. You need to pick it up, walk to the tap, open the tap, then fill the cup with water. That is how life works too. Pray but move. Trust God but apply yourself. Have faith but wake up and do the work.

Noah had faith, but he still built the ark.
David had faith, but he still picked up the stone.
Moses had faith, but he still stretched his hand over the sea.

Faith moves; it does not sit idle.

Before you close this article, or should I say a diary entry, I want you to ask yourself something honestly. When was the last time you truly sat with God without rushing? When was the last time you prayed without asking for anything first? Because truth be told, all we do is ask, ask, ask and ask. When was the last time you opened your Bible because you wanted Him and not just because you needed help? We spend so much time feeding our flesh and starving our spirit that we end up wondering why we feel so empty inside.

I have come to realise that our souls are not always tired; sometimes they are hungry for God. The anxiety, the restlessness, and the constant feeling that something is missing can all be reminders that our spirits are longing to return to God. I think deep down a lot of us miss God more than we admit.
Not religion.
Not a church building.
Not performance.
Not looking spiritually aligned for people, but God Himself.
His presence.
His peace.
His voice.

Tonight before you sleep, I hope you pray. Even if the prayer is short. Even if the words come out broken. Even if all you can say is, ”Lord, I miss You.” It’s okay; sometimes restoration does not begin with a perfect prayer. It begins with honesty. That is the beautiful thing about God. You can leave Him for weeks, months, or even years. The moment you decide to turn back towards Him again, He receives you with open arms.

So read the book of Psalms. Read it when your heart is heavy. Read it when life becomes loud. Read it when you feel distant from God. Read it when you can’t find the words to pray, because sometimes the book of Psalms becomes the prayer our hearts were trying to say all along.

A PSALMS A DAY, KEEPS THE DEVIL AWAY

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