Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with shingles, which, up until this point in my life, I always assumed was for Old People. Obviously I was wrong. Either that, or I’ve officially subscribed to Aging and its Accompanying Decay.
If you don’t know, shingles is incredibly annoying. Case in point: we stayed in a hotel last weekend and instead of running around in the indoor kiddie pool water park with my children I had to sit on the edge of the pool like one of those moms that doesn’t know how to have fun. Unfortunately it would’ve been in poor taste to wear a sign around my neck saying “I AM A FUN MOM, I JUST HAVE SHINGLES SO I’M FORCED TO LOOK LAME.” So I had to suffer in silence.
Thankfully the hated rash is clearing up now, and I’m very grateful that the nerve pain never got to a debilitating point. That being said, I would not recommend contracting shingles, if you’re lucky enough that an eldritch deity shows up to offer you an alternative.
Without further ado, here’s a list of atrocities I’d choose to endure instead.
Pull an all-nighter with my baby (at least he’s cute)
Watch my dad change a poopy diaper
Sing along to a Taylor Swift song
Play Mario Kart on 50cc
Sneeze 100 times in one day
Let my daughter doodle in my bullet journal
Tell a funny story with a one-minute limit
Use a ballpoint pen
Listen to someone talk about why they don’t like Shrek
Try something new at a restaurant
As a bonus, a list of things I’d rather get shingles than do: go out dressed like the season 3 version of Monk’s assistant Natalie Teeger, meet a friend’s slobbery dog, accidentally delete a voice message before sending it, get strep throat, be in a shingles vaccine commercial
What atrocities have you endured this past month? Commiserate with me!
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