On being seen when you're afraid to be

The highlight reel

For years my Instagram was a highlight reel in the most literal sense.

I had around 3,000 followers — mostly friends, friends of friends, people who already knew me. I posted when I felt like I looked good (embarressed to admit) . When I had a milestone worth announcing. That was it. Two reasons to post, nothing more.

It was fine. I didn’t think real connection was possible on social media anyway. So why would I put out a version of myself that was insecure, that struggled, that had ‘things’ she hadn’t yet learned to name? Nobody needed to know that. I barely let myself know that.

The judgment

Then one day I shared that we had bought a house. The first house I had ever owned. I was so proud, you know, the kind of proud that comes from years of work and sacrifice but also the particular weight that immigrant women carry, the sense that you have to earn every good thing twice. I shared it with a family member of my fiancé.

She responded with judgment. Condescending words about the type of house I was able to afford. What I later understood was resentment.

It brought me down for a while. Made me question whether I should have shared it at all. Whether my pride was too loud. Whether my happiness was somehow taking up space it wasn’t entitled to.

The turn

And then I sat with it.

And I thought, I don’t want to feel embarrassed about decisions I make for my own life. Not with the work I have put in. Not with the mental load that comes from being an immigrant woman, from having to prove your right to exist in spaces that weren’t originally designed for you. Not with everything it took to get here.

My first instinct was to write all of it in my journal. First about my frustration. But soon it became about what my vision of home is. About fashion and what it means to dress for a life that’s actually yours. About what it means to be a woman building something from scratch. Slowly, sentence by sentence, I started feeling more powerful. More like myself than I had felt in years.

Why not share it?

And then I thought: why not share it?

Maybe someone else feels the same way. Maybe someone else has a vision for her life but isn’t sure yet whether she’s allowed to say it out loud. Maybe someone else is holding back the truest version of herself because she’s waiting for permission that was never going to come from anywhere but herself.

I posted. And then I posted again. And slowly, something happened that I hadn’t expected.

People found me. Not because I was performing, showcasing my achievements or that one day my curly hair was looking great or the new Prada loafers I had bought which I’m still unsure on why I actually bought them.

What the trends can’t touch

Here is what I have learned from that, and from the years since:

There is no right or wrong way to build a life that feels good to you. There are trends, yes — images of the best life pushed at us constantly, the correct body, the approved aesthetic, the version of success that photographs well and fits the current algorithm. The pressure to perform a life rather than live one is relentless and it is getting louder.

But underneath all of that noise is something that doesn’t trend. Something that doesn’t have a peak and a decline. Something that the algorithm cannot manufacture and that no amount of aesthetic curation can replace.

Your actual self. Your specific vision. The particular way you see the world that belongs to nobody else.

That is what people are hungry for. Not because authenticity is a content strategy — but because we are all exhausted by the performance. We are all looking for evidence that it’s possible to build something real. To be seen as you actually are and have that be enough.

Post anyway

It is enough.

You don’t need to wait until you look good. Until you have a milestone worth announcing. Until you’re certain no one will judge you. Someone will always judge you. The family member who reacts with resentment rather than joy will always exist.

Post anyway.

Write it in your journal first if you need to. Find your vision there before you share it with anyone. Feel what it’s like to say the true thing to yourself before you say it to the world.

And then share it.

Not because the world deserves it.

Because you do.

With love,

Gisele

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