The Things We Put Off (And Why)

My friend Ryan had a 13-pound tumor.

If you weren’t with us during Season 1, this might be new to you. (Catch up on the conversation here).

We now jokingly call her tumor Billy. (Because sometimes humor gets us through things.)

But the part that still stops me isn’t the tumor. It’s that she never told us it was there.

And when I say Ryan is my friend, I mean she’s one of my very best friends. The kind you go on vacation with. The kind of friend who knows the real version of your life.

Which is why when I found out what she had been dealing with, my brain immediately went somewhere I didn’t expect.

Why didn’t she tell us? She doesn’t trust us? Doesn’t need us?

But in reality, life was busy. Ryan was doing what so many women do.

Everything.

Running the house.
Managing schedules.
Keeping life moving forward.

And somewhere in the middle of all that… her stomach started growing.

Not overnight. But slowly. She assumed it was menopause.

She called it Hormones. Bloating. Midlife doing what midlife does.

Except it wasn’t menopause.

It was a 13-pound tumor.

Billy.

Thankfully, it wasn’t cancer.

And the part that hit me hardest?

She was carrying that stress alone.

When in reality, she could have told us.

But the funny thing is… when I really thought about it?

I probably would have done the exact same thing. And by probably, I mean I absolutely would have!

(Which, by the way, did not make me feel any better.)

As I was speaking with Dr. Kitsis this week about the conditions women tend to put off for far too long, she described something that sounded incredibly familiar - RYAN!

She shared how she sees women show up months — sometimes years — after symptoms begin.

Hernias.
Gallbladder issues.
Digestive problems.
Pain.

Conditions that didn’t appear overnight.

They whisper first.

And as I’ve said before… later is a liar.

I wish I could say Ryan’s story surprised me because I would never do that.

But I absolutely have.

I put on my big girl panties and I dealt with it. (And for the record, I don’t actually hate that phrase.)

Putting on your big girl panties can be powerful.

It’s the moment when you decide you’re going to handle something hard.

Quiet strength.

Determination.

Resilience.

Those big girl panties can make us pretty unstoppable.

Women carry a lot.

The invisible backpack fills up fast.

So when our body starts asking for attention, it feels like one more thing to manage.

Instead of addressing it, we slide it deeper into the backpack and keep moving.

After the situation with Ryan last fall and again the conversation with Dr. Kitsis, I realized something uncomfortable.

If one of my kids had been dealing with symptoms like that…I would have had them at the doctor immediately.

No hesitation.
No delay.

But when it’s me?

I negotiate.

I downplay.

I tend to wait.

If this whole conversation reminded me of anything, it’s this: the real challenge might be learning when not to carry it alone.

Email justjennunfiltered@gmail.com and it may be answered on an upcoming mailbag episode!.

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