life advice; becoming more seductive & getting through the week

I’ve accepted some reader questions to answer this week since I want to feel more connected to all of you. I really enjoyed answering these, so thank you for sharing <33

how do i stop being so insecure as a dom? what are some ways to start being more seductive? how do you get into a flow that doesnt feel stagnant, awkward or forced?

I think that the thing that most people miss about trying to “learn” how to be dominant is that you actually have to be a bit of a loser about how bad you want it. It’s not useful to think of intimacy as a performance most of the time (unless you’re a very specific kind of exhibitionist). It can feel strange to lean so deeply into your own perspectives and desires when you’re used to prioritising another person. The flow or momentum comes from the fact that you’re not focused on if you look awkward (and that you can be dominant even if you are! I know I have many awkward moments as a Dom) but the fact that instead of thinking about how your partner is looking at you, you’re too preoccupied with looking at them. You have to want it BADLY. Desire isn’t a sterile endeavour. If you follow your appetites, the rest comes naturally.

We haven’t seen much of you? What have you been up to lately?

I’ve been writing my book most of the time and when I’m not writing I’m either rollerskating or working on my narrowboat. I go through periods where the muse possesses me and nothing else in life matters. The rest of the time I’m opening up space to listen to the world without noise. I like things that get me into my body. Rollerskating is my favourite obviously but I also like going on long walks around London to see how everything connects (and you just see the world differently on foot). Also going to the gym. Carrying bags of coal is a workout in itself as well. The other day I got the power washer out and cleaned the roof of my boat. I’ve been partying a lot less this year, I find it more productive to be sober when writing a novel (short stories and poems I do love a pint with though). I’m focused less on clips and social media and more on 1-1 sessions where I can be fully present, it helps create space in my head.

Any advice for someone trying to get better at feeding her dominant side? I'm VERY submissive but I want to try putting more into my dominant side but I just feel..silly, like I'm some kind of bad actor, so I guess I’m just asking some advice!

I touched on this with an earlier question, but I feel like stepping into that role is a lot about pivoting your perspective on desire. While most “serious” Dom’s may disagree with me (and also I’m primarily a sadist), I think its more about actions and what you do, rather than something inherent. Identity is fluid, kaleidoscopic. I’d recommend just thinking about what you really enjoy, having a daydream, fantasising, starting a private sideblog for that part of you.

When it comes to scenes, if you’re nervous the first couple of times I would also say creating a scene plan in your head. This is something I mostly do for pro sessions these days but I’d assign one “activity” per 30min (except for things that would be exhausting to do for that long like impact play) but those activities could exist within the context of an overarching roleplay. So a scene could be like 25min of bodywriting, 20min of trampling and 25min of boot worship but its all within the context of dollification/puppy play etc.

Also negotiate with your partner so you know exactly how far you can push them and in what ways (i.e: they might want to be pushed verbally but not with pain. choking is a hard limit but they’re ok with other types of breathplay). It’s really helpful to know both your own and your partners limits so you can let go of fear of doing something wrong.

What gets you up in the morning? What drives you? What is your main motivator to keep going through everything - work, home life, everything. What would you say are your guiding philosophies?

Mostly I just want to write the things I want to see exist in the world.

Other than that, write a lot, read a lot, live slowly, be brave, be kind. Live curiously, have an open heart. Have love for insects and other small critters & creatures. Spend time by the water. Do things to get you into your body and out of your head. Find pleasure in a variety of things. And if your path doesn’t exist yet invent it.

That’s all for this week <33

🦷, willow