Some people always seem to know how to act appropriately in any situation. If someone is in trouble, they are there to offer help. If there is a community project, they show up and pull their weight. They stand up for anyone who is in need. They always seem to know the right thing to do.
Such people can be tall or short, Black or White, attractive or unattractive, rich or poor. I am sure we have all encountered people like this.
We admire those who can act appropriately in any situation. We wonder how they can say and do the right thing so consistently. Most of us want to do the right thing, but sometimes we don't even know what it is.
The Stoics believed that knowing what to do in any situation comes from having a framework for determining what is appropriate. Doing the appropriate thing flows from a firm ethical framework rather than from evaluating each situation as it arises. The Stoics proposed the following framework.
Every action falls into one of three categories:
Appropriate
Inappropriate
Neither appropriate nor inappropriate
What, then, is an appropriate action? What is an inappropriate action? What actions are neutral? How do we increase the number of appropriate actions we perform and decrease the number of inappropriate ones?
Actions spring from our thoughts and beliefs. An admirable person does the right thing not because they magically know what to do in every situation, but because they have already established a framework for ethical action. They do not have to struggle to determine the right course of action each time they encounter a new situation. Instead, they operate almost on autopilot, guided by a coherent ethical framework grounded in reason, human nature, and social duty.
Without a strong ethical framework, our actions are likely to be scattered and inconsistent. We find ourselves wondering what to do each time a new situation arises.
For example, if you genuinely accept Marcus Aurelius’ view that:
We were born for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.1
then you will not hesitate to assist a friend in need, even if doing so involves some hardship. On the other hand, if you hold no such belief, then when a friend is in need, you will deliberate over whether helping them is worth the inconvenience or hardship. Instead of helping them right away, you will be debating with yourself: “What is in my interest?” You hesitate; you waver. Because we do not have a clearly established framework, we do not know what the appropriate action is.
The Stoics had clear rules for deciding what is appropriate, what is inappropriate, and what is neither.
The Stoics called an appropriate or fitting action a kathēkon. They had clear rules for deciding what is appropriate and what is not.
Appropriate actions are those that accord with one or more of the cardinal virtues: wisdom, justice, moderation, and courage. An action need not be undertaken explicitly for the sake of a virtue to qualify as appropriate. If an action expresses or requires virtue, it is appropriate. However, even if an act appears just, it may not be appropriate if it violates one or more of the other virtues. A courageous act, for example, is appropriate only if it is not also unjust, foolish, or excessive. Acts such as caring for one’s family, contributing to society, and helping others are generally appropriate. Such actions express virtue and promote harmony within the community.
Inappropriate actions involve one or more vices. Actions that can be considered foolish, unjust, excessive, or cowardly fall into this category. Examples include being unsympathetic, overlooking society's interests, neglecting one’s family, and similar conduct.
Neutral or indifferent actions are those that do not touch upon virtue or vice. Should you shave first or shower first? Should you have breakfast at 7 a.m. or 8 a.m.? Neither alternative is related to virtue or vice.
A Stoic uses this framework to determine whether an action is appropriate.
We can increase the number of appropriate actions we perform by remembering that we play different roles in life: father or mother, son or daughter, friend, neighbour, employee, employer, and citizen. What is appropriate in one role may not be appropriate in another.
If you are a son dealing with your father, for example, you should consider whether what you are about to say or do is appropriate for you in your role as a son.
Remember who you are. First of all, a human being; … Next, remember that you are a son, a brother, a citizen of the world. … After considering who you are, and what name you bear, if you remember your role as a son, you will know what is appropriate for you to do. —Epictetus, Discourses 2.10
To act appropriately, we should consider our relationships to other people and to society. When we look at situations in this way, the appropriate action often becomes self-evident.
For humankind, evil is injustice and cruelty and indifference to a neighbour’s trouble, while virtue is brotherly love and goodness and justice and beneficence and concern for the welfare of your neighbour. — Musonius Rufus, Lecture 14 (On Exile)
One of the main sources of inappropriate action is our obsession with ourselves. We become so absorbed in our own interests that we fail to consider what is good for our family, community, country, or humanity as a whole.
We forget that we are interdependent and that cooperation serves us better than conflict. Working for the common good also serves our own interests.
Consider your two hands. The clean hand helps the dirty hand become clean. Sometimes the left hand is clean; sometimes the right. If they refuse to cooperate, both hands remain dirty. The same principle applies to life.
When we place our self-interest far ahead of the common good, our actions become inappropriate. If our family, community, and society suffer, eventually we will suffer as well.
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee. — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 6.54
Appropriate action is often easier to identify when we ask: Does this benefit me while harming others? If it does, it is unlikely to be appropriate.
If, therefore, an action is consistent with reason and the common good, do it. — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.55
Appropriate actions create harmony rather than conflict. They are often ordinary daily actions performed willingly and without resentment because they align with nature.
We regard as honourable that which agrees with the principle of right conduct: taking dutiful care of an old father, relieving a friend’s poverty, showing bravery on a campaign, and uttering prudent and well-balanced opinions. — Seneca, Moral Letters 120
When we undertake our duties cheerfully and voluntarily, we manifest:
“... order, propriety, steadfastness, absolute harmony of action, and a greatness of soul that rises superior to everything. — Seneca, Moral Letters 120
Appropriate actions are therefore just actions: actions that do not wrong others, needlessly harm them, or place our interests above the common good.
It is the function of justice not to do wrong to one’s fellow-humans; of considerateness, not to wound their feelings; and in this the essence of propriety is best seen. — Cicero, De Officiis 1
The people we admire are not usually the most intelligent, the richest, or the most successful. They are the people we can rely on to do what is appropriate. When someone needs help, they help. When duty calls, they answer. When faced with a difficult choice, they are guided by reason rather than impulse.
The Stoics believed that this ability is not a gift possessed by a fortunate few. It results from cultivating a sound ethical framework. By learning to distinguish the appropriate from the inappropriate, by remembering our roles and responsibilities, and by considering the common good alongside our own interests, we gradually develop the habit of right action.
Appropriate actions performed day after day shape our character. We become what we repeatedly do. Every time we choose a wise, just, courageous, or moderate action, we strengthen our capacity to recognize and perform the next one. Eventually, doing what is appropriate becomes as natural as breathing. We no longer need to ask, “What should I do?” because our character already points the way.
Philosophy is not merely something to study but something to practice. The goal is not simply to understand appropriate action but to become a person who consistently performs it.
We admire people who act appropriately in any situation. We can do the same if we have a sound framework for action.
Know what an appropriate action is
Begin with your role and relationships
Consider the common good
Create harmony through appropriate actions
For the next seven days, set aside five minutes each evening to review your day.
Choose one action you performed and ask yourself the following questions:
Was this action appropriate, inappropriate, or neutral?
Did it express one or more of the virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, or moderation?
Which of my roles was involved: parent, child, friend, neighbour, employee, citizen, or something else?
Did the action serve only my interests, or did it also serve the common good?
If I were faced with the same situation tomorrow, what would the most appropriate action be?
Keep a brief record of your answers.
After seven days, review your notes and look for patterns. Which kinds of situations bring out your best actions? Which situations lead to hesitation, selfishness, or poor judgment? These patterns reveal where you need further practice.
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