Why your body isn’t really chasing happiness

Have you ever felt like your own body was somehow getting in the way of what you wanted?

Maybe there’s something you’re fairly sure would make you happier.

Perhaps a change you’d like to make.

Or a goal you’ve had in the back of your mind for a while.

And on paper, there’s nothing really stopping you from going after it.

But somehow, when it comes to it, part of you keeps holding back.

Maybe you hesitate, put it off, or simply find yourself drifting away from the very thing you thought you wanted.

And it can be a genuinely confusing and frustrating feeling.

Because one part of you is reaching for the thing, while another part seems quietly unwilling to let you have it.

Does that resonate in any way?

If so, it might be worth wondering:

What if your body isn’t actually trying to keep you from being happy? And what if it’s been looking for something else entirely this whole time?

When our body holds us back from something we want, it’s easy to take it personally.

We might assume we’re just being lazy, or scared, or somehow getting in our own way.

And so we tend to tell ourselves we should be able to push through it and get on with the thing already.

But when we can’t, it tends to leave us feeling like something’s wrong with us.

As though everyone else can simply go after what they want, while we’re left stuck in our own hesitation.

But the thing is, that resistance usually isn’t really a flaw in us at all.

More often, it’s simply our body doing exactly what it’s meant to do.

And once we understand what that actually is, the whole thing tends to make a lot more sense.

Here’s the part that can change how we see all of this.

Our bodies were never really designed to chase happiness.

Instead, they were simply designed to keep us safe.

That’s the job underneath all the others, and they take it pretty seriously.

So when we reach for something new, our body isn’t really asking whether it’ll make us happy.

Rather, it’s asking whether it is actually safe.

Whether this is something we can handle, and whether the change might cost us something our system isn’t quite ready to lose.

And if the answer feels uncertain, our body tends to slow us down, whatever the thing happens to be.

Not because it doesn’t want us to be happy, but because safety is the main priority.

Once we see this, a lot of our more frustrating patterns often start to fit together.

Like the goal we keep almost reaching, before slowly backing away from it.

Or the change we genuinely want, yet somehow never really make.

Or the hesitation that shows up right as we get close to something we’ve wanted for ages.

Fortunately, none of that means we’re broken, weak, or hopeless at going after what we want.

Rather, it usually just means our body hasn’t decided the thing is safe yet because it doesn’t have the proof to back it up.

And until it does, it’ll probably keep gently applying the brakes, however much we might want to move ahead.

So the resistance was likely never really working against us.

Maybe it was simply doing its best to protect us and keep us safe, in the only way it knows how.

When we don’t understand what’s happening, we usually just try to push harder.

We often reach for willpower, and then get frustrated with ourselves for not simply doing the thing.

And every now and then, we might manage to force our way through for a little while.

But our body tends to hold its ground, because it’s responding to something a fair bit deeper than our determination.

After all, it’s responding to whether the thing is actually perceived as safe.

And no amount of pushing really shifts that, partly because the pushing itself can feel like more pressure, which often only makes our system brace even harder.

So the more we fight the resistance, the more our body tends to dig in.

Which is why the way through usually isn’t with force at all.

If our body is holding back because something doesn’t feel safe, then what tends to help is safety.

Not pressure, and not force, but some gentle and safe reassurance that we can actually handle this.

Often that means starting smaller than we think we probably should.

By taking one small and safe step toward what we want that’s gentle enough for our system to come along with us.

And then letting things settle there for a while, so our body slowly learns that the step didn’t end up costing us anything.

Then, once that feels alright, maybe taking another small step from there.

Sure, it does tend to be slower than we’d like.

But it has the advantage of working with our body, rather than against it.

And little by little, our system often starts to trust that the thing we want might actually be safe after all.

Which is usually right around when the resistance begins to ease on its own.

So the next time you notice yourself holding back from something you want, maybe try not to treat it as a failure.

You could see it as information instead.

Perhaps as a sign that some part of you isn’t yet convinced the thing is safe.

And rather than pushing harder against that part, you might get a little curious about it.

You could gently ask what it’s actually worried about.

Or look for a smaller version of the step, one your body might feel more willing to take.

And you could let yourself move at a pace that keeps your body feeling reasonably safe, rather than one that has you bracing the whole way there.

Because our bodies really aren’t trying to keep us from being happy.

Instead, they’re simply trying to make sure we’re okay first.

And once they start to trust that we are actually safe, they tend to stop standing in the way of the things we’ve wanted all along.

Remember: When your body holds you back from something you want, it usually isn’t working against your happiness. Instead, it’s probably looking for safety first. And once it starts to feel that safety, the thing you were reaching for often stops feeling so out of reach.

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