Why you should be more aggressively outgoing

Making new friends whether it be through work, hobbies, going to bars, or watching sports is a difficult feat for most people. Once you’re out in the workplace, there aren’t too many organized opportunities for you to socialize with others and naturally find your people. Instead, it takes deliberate effort.

For anyone who moves to a new city without a support system in place, it’s downright scary: you don’t know anybody, you don’t know where you can do your hobbies, and you don’t want to fail. It’s especially hard when you have nothing and nobody pushing you to go out and be uncomfortable.

Generally, you never want to feel uncomfortable. If it’s cold, you put a jacket on. If it’s hot you find a fan or drink some water. If you’re in socially awkward situations, you find an excuse to leave. We rarely push ourselves to be uncomfortable, and instead work very hard to never feel that way.

As someone who lived in West Africa for about a year, I’ve had my share of uncomfortable situations. From no running water and limited electricity to a totally different language and culture, I was undoubtedly uncomfortable 79.4% of the time. However, I absolutely loved it and embraced those difficulties which have now made me a better person.

I’m not saying you should move to West Africa or another developing country halfway around the world, but I am saying lean into being uncomfortable for a very good reason: to make new friends. If you put yourself out there, you never know who you’re going to meet. I moved to NYC without a job, and somehow convinced someone I was competent and capable, and now I’m getting paid to do work in politics that I love.

I have been told at least 17 different times since moving to NYC, that I am “aggressively outgoing.” I’ve come to love this phrase and I think it is pretty spot on. When I play pickleball in my local park, I chat everybody up, always laughing, and joking around. At bars, I’ll interject myself into conversations or add my opinion—definitely unsolicited. But most importantly, I think I am always my authentic self and I’m not afraid to talk to anyone.

I’ve found that when you project that you’re genuine and open to others, it’s like a light to a fly. People will be 90% more likely to approach you or continue a conversation with you. Because of this, I have made a handful of friends from all these different interactions. I’ve started to build my own support system and pockets of people in this very large, dynamic city.

I understand what I am telling you to do is difficult, but you can be outgoing in your own way. It doesn’t have to be as aggressive as my way. It could mean that you go out to the bar and watch Sunday night football—by yourself. Or you go join a soccer league at your local park—by yourself. It’s all about doing things alone, that might make you feel just a little bit out of your comfort zone, and where you have the risk of being rejected. But here’s the caveat, once you go out, you have to press X to interact. You have to be the one to make the first move and start up a conversation.

Right now, I’m finishing this editorial at a small bar in between York and 1st Ave, watching the US Open finals and the Lions play terribly against the Packers. I’m sitting by myself, sipping a cider and on my computer; meanwhile, everyone else is there with family or friends. I definitely got some weird looks, but that’s okay.

If you know me personally, I like to throw out random percentages and stats to support whatever I’m saying. Thus, do not take any of my stats here to heart. But instead, think about things you want to do or people you want to meet, and then stop thinking, and just go do it.

*I wanted to add pictures of proof to this post, but I realized I never take any personal pictures*