It’s hard to believe that two weeks ago I woke up in the Cotswolds, strolled the cobbled streets of Oxford, and slept in a generic hotel near Heathrow before boarding a flight to ORD the next morning.
The trip’s now reached that surreal state, where I think back in wonder. We actually did that? Drove narrow hedgerow-lined lanes, toured Jim’s ancestral castle, drank pints with Aussies and Canadians and locals?
It feels like yesterday and last year. Responsibilities took over almost the moment we landed, like freelance work and prepping my presentation for next week’s Midwest Travel Network conference.
I didn’t quite return to business-as-usual. I knew this trip would change things. Change me. I’ve added an hour walk each day, and our diet’s been much healthier than it was before we left. Despite eating bread and drinking hand-pulled ale daily, I lost weight, and while I generally try to avoid processed foods, I’ve been even more diligent.
I liked how I felt in England. Strong. Vibrant. Filled with energy. (That’s usually the case, but this was different.)
My health is heavily on my mind. Tomorrow I see my oncologist. It’s my five-year post-treatment visit. Last week I had my mammogram and my bloodwork. The mammogram: benign. Cancer markers: all clear.
I’m anticipating he’ll take me off Exemestane. I’ve been on estrogen blockers for five years. Chemo put me into chemically induced menopause, and those blockers made it permanent.
They also (probably) have impacted my weight, although I have lost forty pounds since my diabetes diagnosis in ‘24. They definitely impacted my joints. Side effects include bone density loss and joint pain. Let me tell you, those commercials and ads showing women who can’t sleep on their side because their hips hurt so badly? Yep. That’s been me.
It’s been a lot, and yet… I’d rather have that than the alternative.
I’ve known since I started writing publicly about my breast cancer that I’d write a book about it, and that I’d wait until I reached that five-year mark. Then it feels real. Then it feels like I made it.
And now I have!
When I wrote my first “Hi. I have cancer.” post in August of 2020, I wasn’t planning on writing a book. I was too busy living in the uncertainty. But I chronicled my experience, and Jim’s, sharing the raw emotions. The anger love hope fear etc. A friend of mine, who I met in 2024 and had breast cancer the same time I did, often says, “Two things can be true.” It’s a philosophy I hold and have held, and this book is going illustrate that.
It’s not a “cancer memoir.” At least, I don’t want it to be. Yes, it’s about my experience with cancer and that’s the canvas, but it’s not the whole picture.
It’s not “about” cancer. It’s about surviving with your sanity, sense of self, and joy intact. About embracing seemingly opposite emotions and beliefs and realizing both can be true. It’s about generosity, love, and optimism.
And it’s about that fear and anger. What it looks like to let yourself feel what you feel, acknowledge it, and take from it what you can.
It’s also about recognizing that your own individual experiences aren’t like anyone else’s, and it’s not fair to you or them to compare. A friend revealed he had Stage 4 colon cancer shortly before I received my Stage 1 diagnosis. I often found myself feeling like I wasn’t allowed to be devastated because mine “wasn’t that bad.”
It’s still cancer, Theresa. You’re allowed.
Most of all, this book is about facing difficulties–and crap on a cracker, things are difficult right now–AND thriving. Because yes, two things can be true.
Diary of a Cockeyed Optimist will be launched through Kickstarter. If you’d like to support this project, please consider following the pre-launch page. The more followers I have, the more likely Kickstarter is to share the campaign.
I’m in the process of refining all those “diary” entrees, and it. is. hard. But, I need to get this book into the world. If it can help one person smile, well then, it’s worth it.
My goal is to launch the campaign on July 14. It will finish on August 4, the anniversary of that first mammogram. Because that date is a celebration!
(And I plan to be celebrating tomorrow after that appointment. I’ll post a note and let you know how it went!)
I’ll be sharing an excerpt with my Pollinators tomorrow. If you haven’t signed up for my free community yet, you can do so here.
If there’s something you want to do, that’s calling you, do me a favor: don’t wait.
Happy living,
Theresa
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