Certified Gottman Therapist
The advice arrives from every direction. A friend says it gently over coffee. A book says it with a chapter title. Sometimes a previous therapist said it, and sometimes it is just the voice in your own head at one in the morning: Maybe I expect too much. Maybe this is what marriage actually is, ... Read more The post You’ve Been Told Your Expectations Are Too High appeared first on TherapyDave .
By the time a couple starts wondering whether the marriage is in real trouble, both partners are usually keeping a private tally. Two fights this week. Four last month. One of you counts them as evidence the marriage is failing. The other counts them as evidence that bringing things up only makes it worse. The ... Read more The post It’s Not That You Fight. It’s What Happens Inside the Fight.…
By the time a marriage is in real trouble, both partners usually have a private theory about why. One of you has quietly concluded that the two of you are just too different. The other suspects it traces back to something that happened years ago and never got repaired. Neither theory came from nowhere. They ... Read more The post Most of What You’ve Been Told About Failing Marriages Is Wrong…
If your partner is upset at you and you react, you might be right. You’ve got every right to be upset. However, imagine you’ve got a child. They fall off their bicycle and they scream bloody murder, and you run up to them and they say, “Kill all the bicycles. Bikes are evil. Kill the ... Read more The post What do Protest Behaviors in Relationships Look Like? appeared first on TherapyDave .
Childhood wounds affect your relationship in this way: Imagine you grew up being uber controlled. Your parents had a say in everything. You weren’t even allowed to have friends, so much so that your best friend was an AM radio. You were a latchkey kid, and you were essentially controlled in every aspect of your ... Read more The post How Childhood Wounds Affect Our Relationship with Our Partner…
Title: Personality Patterns in Couples Therapy: A Relational Framework for Understanding Personality DisordersLast updated: May 17, 2026 Audience and scope note This document is written for mental health clinicians, relationship therapists, and advanced trainees who work with couples and want a clearer way to recognize stable personality patterns that shape relational dynamics. This framework is…
If you spent your childhood walking on eggshells, managing a parent’s moods, or feeling like your family was fundamentally different from everyone else’s, the traits you developed to survive that environment didn’t disappear when you grew up. This article, written by David Lechnyr, LCSW and Certified Gottman Therapist, explains the most common patterns that develop ... Read more The post Wait, I’m…
What Is Accepting Influence in Relationships? Accepting influence means finding common ground with your partner and saying yes to their ideas, even when you only agree with part of what they’re saying. The Gottman Institute’s research reveals a counterintuitive truth: To hold genuine power in a relationship, you must be willing to share that power. ... Read more The post The Power Paradox: Why…
Three hours. That’s how long Sarah found herself trapped in the same argument with her husband on a Tuesday night. She’d launched into explaining her frustration about their weekend plans, and somehow they’d spiraled into every unresolved issue from the past six months. By the time they finally stopped talking, she was hoarse from explaining ... Read more The post When Your Partner Can’t Hear You…
Most couples know what makes them feel criticized or dismissed by their partner. You can probably rattle off a list without even thinking about it. But here’s what’s interesting: When I ask couples to tell me what their partner does that makes them feel loved, respected, or admired, they often go blank. Or they struggle. ... Read more The post How to Make Your Partner Feel Loved: A Gottman Method…