Motherhood: but make it Yours, Vol. 17

Vol. 17 of our Motherhood: but make it Yours series is by Substack-mum-legend Charlotte Stephens who is a mum of 3 and wrote a letter of encouragement to everyone who is considering to have more than one child.

If you need a step-by-step guide how to go from two under two to three under four (and no one is stopping you there hehe) this warm and honest read is for you.

I am often approached by new mothers in playgroups – ones that have caught whispers on the wind about my status as a mum-of-three/madwoman, despite the fact two of my children are now in school, and therefore nowhere to be seen on such occasions. Still, we live in a small town, and people notice each other.

As such, “I’ve seen you walking with three of them,” these women tell me before, in a conspiratorial whisper, “I could never do that.” They lean in closer, “you’re a super mum,” they say.

And, on the inside, I laugh and laugh and laugh.

It’s hard to understand what having children will feel like before you have them, and possibly even harder to understand what it will feel like to transition from one to two, from two to three, and so on.

Personally, I think this is a good thing. I can tell you with absolute certainty that had I known, before I had them, the black and white facts of the first few beats of my younger children’s existence – the colic and the reflux and the endless hospital visits – with absolutely none of the love or emotion attached, I might not have had them.

I can tell you, too, that would have been an unspeakable loss.

I had my first two children in quick succession. With just 19 months between them, I was versed fairly quickly on the awe of other mums. “Two under two,” they’d say as they looked at me like I’d sprouted several extra heads, “what’s that like?” I’d try to answer – never fully managing to capture it – and then suddenly I had three under four, and the questions were coming even faster, leading me to write this today in response to every new mum that has ever said to me “how on earth do you do it?” or
”I couldn’t do what you do.”

1. You probably could do it, actually.

I’m nothing special, I’m just a regular mum with more children than some other mums. If you don’t want to do it, that’s an entirely different thing. Don’t have more kids just because you feel like you should if it’s not what you want, it’s perfectly alright to fill that spare room with something different, instead. (A panic room, perhaps?)

2. If you’re worried about the love of it all, you shouldn’t be.

Here’s a story (stay with me here.) When I was in labour with my second I went to look at my first asleep in his cot, and started crying because I couldn’t stand the idea that he would ever think I didn’t love him “enough” – that he hadn’t been “enough” for me. But my desire for another baby had nothing to do with how much I loved the one I already had, and the love I had for my second and then my third had absolutely no negative impact on how much I loved the existing child/ren. There is room in your heart for as many children as you have. As we learned from the Grinch, these things are capable of growth.

3. They say it takes a village to raise a child.

Not everyone has a ready made village, but you’ll never regret building one for yourself, even if only so someone can watch the toddler while you clean up the baby’s obliterated nappy at playgroup, rather than having to worry that a tiny person will open the door and run while you’re elbow deep in poop – not good for the old cortisol, don’t put yourself in that position if you don’t need to.

4. And, finally, having three children is, yes, a lot of work.

Having any number of children is a lot of work, but as I have three I shall focus on that number for now. I have three small people totally dependent on me to keep them clean, safe, warm, loved. Three very different personalities and sets of needs all wanting to be seen and dealt with at the exact same time, all shouting for attention and all wanting to be number one in my eyes as I split the top spot between all of them. A scenario that, from the outside, no doubt looks like too much drama, but that on the inside is worth every meltdown, every sleepless night, every fall out. Everything. Because they’re magic, my children, all three.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

For more hilarious, honest and useful motherhood tips (and a fair bit of entertainment = gossip) follow Charlotte Stephens’ baby brain on Substack.

The Other Club

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Feb 23

The Other Club is a space for the stories that sit alongside motherhood: The women who haven’t had kids (yet, or ever), the ones still deciding, and the ones building full lives in other ways.

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Feb 16

I’m so excited that one of my Substack mum-friends Mica Keeney decided to write about finding her own version of motherhood — Mica is a mum of a little girl and a DJ, has a very cool career in fashion and a Substack called Motherhood Muses. She also honestly just knows how to enjoy life (with and without her baby!).

The Plnty Listening Edit

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December 31, 2025

Because I love podcasts so much, I’ve created the Plnty Listening Edit: a carefully curated list of episodes that are genuinely worth your time. The ones that add clarity rather than noise. Save it, return to it, and listen slowly — in whatever pockets of time your week allows: while walking, driving, feeding, folding laundry, or just trying to come back to yourself.