Motherhood: but make it Yours is a series featuring different perspectives on motherhood, life choices, ups and downs as well as inspiration, reflection and tackling the real questions, written by different women each week.
In this edition, Jessica Baccanello on how motherhood is not only a life change — but an identity shift. In Vol. 15 of Motherhood: but make it Yours, she explores what happens when the version of yourself you loved no longer fits, and the new one hasn’t fully arrived yet. A reflection on resistance, renewal, and the courage it takes to evolve alongside your children.
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How did I miss the memo?
One of the things I didn’t expect to struggle with when I became a mother was the shift in identity that followed.
In my twenties, I was fun-loving and carefree. I loved going to festivals, playing sport, being surrounded by people and filling my diary. I was known for my high energy and always up for some fun. That version of me felt familiar and alive.
When my husband and I first became parents, we unknowingly tried to hold onto that identity. COVID softened the transition at first as life slowed down for everyone. But when the world opened up again, it felt like a shock.
We wanted to socialise, exercise, work, see friends, do it all. And slowly, we realised it no longer worked. It wasn’t sustainable. We were parents now, and our priorities had shifted.
The identity shift I didn’t see coming
It wasn’t until I had my second child, I fully stopped resisting.
I realised the friction in my life wasn’t coming from motherhood itself, but from my resistance to becoming someone new. With two children and two businesses, there was no energy left to fight reality. I felt torn between the old version of me — the one I loved — and the new version I hadn’t yet fully claimed.
Without realizing it at the time it was a grief of the old version of me.
Growing into a new identity
This was one of those moments where couples either grow together or drift apart. My husband and I had our teething moments, but we grew together. The turbulence asked more of us and strengthened us in the process.
Becoming a mother is extraordinary. And yet, I wish someone had told me it’s okay to let go of who you were. That identity naturally shifts. It’s both a loss and a becoming.
Today, my identity looks different.
It’s about feeling good. About being intentional with my time. About doing things that nourish our family and honour my own wellbeing. I know now that to care for my children well, feeling good in myself is a top priority. And at the centre of everything is my relationship with my husband. It is the glue that holds everything as we know it together.
I celebrate who I was. That decade was carefree and full of joy. And I celebrate who I am now — someone who cares deeply, priorities their mental & physical health, and chooses family time over fun, wild time.
Why this matters?
If something in your life feels off but you can’t quite name it, it may be this quiet identity shift that comes with motherhood. Caring for another human being changes everything.
I realise as I write this that it won’t be the last identity shift. As our children grow, we will be asked again and again to let go and evolve.
The invitation isn’t to resist the change but to meet it with curiosity and compassion.
I leave you now with some questions to ponder:
Who was I before motherhood?
Who am I now?
How do I want my identity to evolve?
What wisdom has emerged from this shift?
And if you’d like to go deeper, I’ve created a short 3-day mini-course, Elevate & Align, designed to help you calm a busy mind, soften self-doubt and find steadiness within. It’s available until the end of January. Subscribe here
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