dear subscribers,
as all of you know, i am working on a novel which features a sex worker character. it is a magical realism/speculative fiction work incorporating aspects of my own life, my own ancestry, marine mythology, and historical tales about that most mysterious and beguiling of mistresses: the sea.
however, it would be more realistic for me to say that i would or should be working on it, and that is due to a serious deficit in my current income. money buys me sustenance, but also purchases me the other most valuable currencies: time and energy, which i need to write my novel.
this book is important to me, and to my ancestors. the male main character is a composite of a pitcairn islander and of an ancestor of mine who disappeared at sea, pronounced dead via the official cause of being “washed overboard,” circa 1930.
my ancestor was a mixed-race black and east indian man travelling the world as a merchant marine seaman during a time that black men south of the equator were expected to stay put and see nothing but their own bodies breaking under brutal day labor, day in and day out.
his mother, my great-great grandmother, held the yellow piece of paper from the shipping company which stated that her son was presumed dead in her hand and told the relative who passed down this story to me that she knew his death wasn’t an accident. she knew it in her bones. she believed somebody onboard his ship killed him.
i know that women in my family know things intuitively, and i believe she was right. i believe that it is more than likely that his death may have been racially motivated on the part of his killers.
this novel i am writing is not just a reimagining of the common narratives about sex workers in harbors and at ports which have been passed down for generations. it is a resurrection. it is a remembering.
i am being so frank to divulge to you, reader, so that you may understand better why it is so important that this book comes to life. and why it is so frustrating to me that i currently lack the resources to set aside time to write it.
i continue to apply for grants and fully-funded residencies to write this book, but am as of this moment unsucessful in having received any. i’ve gained over 120 free subscribers in the past month alone, and lost 3 paid subscribers in the same period. i am receiving more clicks, likes, and restacks on my substack than ever — but what does this do to support my work?
a woman must keep a roof over her head. she must eat. bills have to be paid. i am a boss bitch, but a boss bitch living at the margins. and trying to write a book.
you may be thinking, didn’t buchi emecheta write her novel twice over while in an abusive relationship, raising five kids on a librarian’s salary, starting all over again when her husband burned the first copy of the manuscript in the fire? didn’t toni morrison write on postcards, random scraps of paper, in the back of buses and taxis, while teaching and editing to provide for herself and her two sons as a single divorcee?
can i let you know something? black women are tired of being resilient. i am tired of pushing myself on dinners and breakfasts of coffee to write a few pages and still hustle up some income to pay the bills and take care of myself. i don’t want my novel to come with a backstory of suffering and trial. i wish to write it in peace. from a full, nourished, cup.
unless you have a regular or a firm sd, sex work is a freelance irregular market. there is no salary. you make what you can hustle up, and every month it is different. i am muy grateful and thankful to my paid subscribers who support me on substack and to the fans who tip me and buy my content on stripchat or manyvids or mintstars.
i am attempting to write this without bitterness. but i simply cannot believe that over 400 (and counting) people reading my work on substack for free and regularly engaging with it can’t afford a paid subscription or to tip when you truly love a piece. i offer 80% off subscriptions for swers, and have had countless swers dm me to ask for the code, telling me that they love my work, and then never redeem it.
a writer on substack named Goddess Amina once wrote about “scavenger energy.” she wasn’t wrong.
that’s all i will say about that.
if you felt that i read you to filth in this post, and you want to see my novel come to life, then here’s what you can do:
sign up for a paid annual subscription at 30% off forever:
tip me on mintstars - i keep 100% of what you send me!
i am so excited to bring this novel into the world. i can feel it breathing at my fingertips, ready to come out.
are you with me?
~ em 🔮
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