Noticing What Matters

How do you know what your child is ready for—or even interested in? It’s a question I’ve come back to again and again. Over time, I’ve discovered a surprisingly simple answer: observe your children.

I first learned this observation practice from the book Please Help Me Do It Myself by Susan Mayclin Stephenson, a Montessori teacher who used it to support her student’s development. I’ve adopted this idea, and it’s reshaped the way I tune in to my kids and support them.

Each day, I write brief notes in a small notebook about Hayden and Marie: the activities we do together and the toys they play with. I also note what went well or fell flat. These quick, bullet-point notes take seconds to write but provide valuable insights.

Not only do I have a record of their development and a wonderful keepsake. But my observations are also a fantastic tool for identifying my kids’ interests. This matters because it’s a lot easier to learn something when you’re interested in it. The motivation is high.

Observing is how I identified Hayden’s many interests over time, including geography, circuits, inclined planes, and numbers, as well as skills like cutting and pouring. It’s also how I noticed Marie’s interest in music and transferring objects.

Once I identify an interest, I help my kids pursue it. When Hayden became interested in flowers, we started a garden. We often study the anatomy of a flower, read books about flowers, and do art projects that involve flowers.

At the same time, observing your children will also tell you when to pull back. You may think, “my child will love <activity, toy, or book>.” But when you observe, you realize the interest isn’t there. You may be interested, but they aren’t. Forcing someone to learn or do something never leads to a positive result. By observing your child you can go at their pace. And that may mean tabling a topic to another time.

I’ve seen this with Hayden many times. Around 18 months, he was obsessed with learning the phonetic sounds for each letter. This interest lasted for many months. Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. So I pulled back. I’ll meet him when he’s ready and interested to pursue reading again.

Identifying interests through observation and catering toward them is a fantastic way to help your child develop focus and concentration.

Marie, who is 14 months, will stay engaged with nearly any sensory activity; art project; or anything related to the kitchen for 20 to 30 minutes—an eternity for a toddler this young. Hayden, who is 3, will easily spend an hour working on puzzles; six months ago, he wanted nothing to do with them. The point is that kids of any age can and will focus for long stretches of time when they’re interested. And you’ll identify their interests by observing them.

The hardest part of this observation practice is simply observing. Try it. You’ll likely want to interject a comment, question, or suggestion. But just see what happens when you’re not guiding the process along. These moments of silence are when I observe best.

I aim to take a few seconds to write down my observations during the day while Hayden and Marie are awake. It’s not enough to rely on my memory because I’ll forget the details by the end of the day. Besides, I want my kids to see me writing because it’s a skill I want them to develop.

The real power of this observation practice comes from reviewing my notes, which I do on Sundays while planning for the upcoming week. I look for patterns and use this information to tailor activities and update my kids’ environment to better support their interests. As a result, our days feel more intentional, my children are more focused, and I feel more connected to their development.

It’s tempting to parent with an agenda—to think we already know what our kids need. But the truth is, I learn the most about Hayden and Marie when I step back and simply observe. That’s when I see who they really are, so I can meet them where they’re at.