Life doesn't go how you think it will go

There’s nothing wrong with the world. You can make it a heaven or a hell according to your approach. That is why the entire Yoga is based on citta vrtti ̣ nirodhah1.̣ If you control your mind, you have controlled everything. Then there is nothing in this world to bind you.” - The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali By Sri Swami Satchidananda, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

When you were younger, you probably had some idea of how your life would go. You’d have a big grown-up job some day, find someone to love, maybe get a dog. In general, the idea was to make your dreams come true.

Of course you didn’t know all the steps along the way, all the things that would happen, but you had some feeling about it all, the arc of how your life would go.

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Then, ‘adult’ life brought a blunter reality. Things happen that you never could have anticipated. We have big dramas, everyday tensions, small body aches, huge disappointments. We spend our time doing amazing things and silly things and no one is there to tell you if you’re doing it right or wrong or upside down or right side up.

Our world also looks dramatically different than it did even two, five, or ten years ago. The rollercoaster of AI is bringing things we could never have predicted as young kids reading our Sunday comics and setting up lemonade stands.

So, we know that life often doesn’t go exactly how we think it will.

What happens next is where it gets interesting.

When something doesn’t go how you thought it would, how do you react?

The instinctual reaction is to label that something wrong is happening. Often this takes the form of a subtle contraction, the body tensing or the mind’s narrative saying something isn’t ok.

If we pay close attention, there’s really nothing not ok. This doesn't mean painful things aren't painful or hard. Something is just moving differently than how your mind anticipated.

And now there is a new kind of opportunity. Life is presenting you with something that is asking for your attention and participation, a different way to grow.

Let’s make this a little more practical. Start by thinking of anything you are resisting in your life. It can be any situation, decision, or circumstance that is causing you inner turmoil or unrest. Someone or something that you don’t like, a situation you’re unsure about.

Step 1: Stay with the situation for a few moments. Put aside your phone, close your eyes, you can place your hand to your heart as you feel what is happening. It may feel silly, but let yourself know it is ok to feel.

Step 2: Notice where your mind is starting to narrate, where there is a story or words of any kind being told, any kind of mental tightening and resistance.

Step 3: See if you can drop one level deeper, into a direct experience with your sensations and body. Actually let yourself drop out of your mind. Note any tense or fearful areas in your body, and continue breathing. Don’t try to do anything or make the tension go away. If it helps, you can tell your mind, “Nothing wrong is happening. I am just experiencing life, as it is.”

What you may find as you stay with yourself is more sensation or tenderness. If you are experiencing any emotional pain, a good instruction is to breathe around it - not resisting it but also not collapsing into it.

The goal is not to eliminate fear. It’s just to give you the option to note it and get acquainted, before you are pulled into your mind’s limitations.

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In these moments often what we are doing is dropping out of our mental tape track and getting to know our fear. One of my favorite mindfulness teachers, Pema Chodron invites us to hold ourselves in these moments with compassion and curiosity as we acknowledge our fear2.

Learning your fear is a brave thing. It means you can face the eye of the tiger. It means mind and fear won’t covertly be running the show. Fear becomes much smaller once it is something we're open to feeling, rather than something we’ve been avoiding or hiding from.

Life will not always go how we think it will go. Your mind will always have lots of things to say about a challenging situation at hand, but remember that you can interact with the world from a deeper, more honest place.

When life’s waves come your way, you have the option to drop out of mind, into a deeper wisdom that will open a greater path forward.

―Pema Chödrön, How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind