Jean-Adjacent: August

The other day I was telling a friend that I’m having a real self-reflective summer. My husband is on a project in Canada and I’m using the hours I have after putting the kids to bed to write… Or putter, which isn’t cleaning or even tidying, but more like adjusting stuff around the house; it’s great for thinking. I’m busy – working and solo parenting for long stretches requires stamina and maniacal schedule-keeping – but a lot of people are out of town and my social life is slow. Additionally, and not to drop a bomb, but here goes: In May, my mom passed away. So I’ve been quietly grieving, while dutifully keeping on, for almost three months now. The memories of her come back constantly.

One day I will write about my mom and what she taught me about showing up in the world with style (she had legendary style1), but not today. Today, what I am ready to say – what I feel certain of at a time when the reality of who-knows-what-will-happen has just slobbered all over everything – is that her death has changed the way I live.

For one thing, I have never felt more grateful for my body and its functions, or more eager to not just be, but feel alive. Seeking said aliveness, I’ve entertained ideas of chopping my hair into a Gracie Abrams-esque pixie, driving to the beach without telling anyone when I’ll be back, and covering my car with Grateful Dead bumper stickers (all things I did in high school and have not followed through with currently, for good reason). What hits the spot – and isn’t juvenile or irresponsible – is holding a plank position for 3 minutes every single day (which I’ve done since July 6). It’s been helpful because sticking with it in the moment really forces me to make peace with discomfort. In multiple ways, it’s making me stronger.

The pursuit of living-as-a-feeling (v an act) has sent me deeper into reflections on vulnerability (specifically, my resistance to it here), values (personal and professional) and motherhood (the biggest bite of all to chew). Last week, I told a friend who knew my mom that I’m feeling restless, but maybe brave is a better word. The Horrible Thing I was so afraid of happening happened and it didn’t kill me. If I were to cut my hair, stand on my hands forever, or tell you I’ve been really sad and enraged over the loss of my mom, that won’t kill me either, I reason. So, here I am. Really sad and enraged. And also, OK.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in my childhood home, clearing drawers and cabinets and helping my dad get organized. (He is a radically organized person, and what we call “merchandising” is therapeutic for both of us.) Last weekend I got lost in a pile of my old journals. Though the writing in most of them is insufferable – honestly, oy – it starts to improve around 1999, when I was taking creative writing classes at NYU. During that time, everything becomes more descriptive and, through the details, actually personal. In an entry from March 2000, for example, I launch into a run-on sentence naming things I like and dislike. Reading it last week, I was shocked at how much hadn’t changed. It’s wild and extremely comforting to realize that twenty-six years later – with two kids, a marriage, a million moves, and my mom gone – I am still me.

I will not be excerpting my journal here (cringe; I’m making room for vulnerability, not bad writing), but this is a shopping newsletter, so here are some things from that 2000 list I’m proud to be equally fond of now.

✔️ My skin. “It isn’t perfect, but it’s not bad.” I wrote. Same applies today because I wear sunscreen and work at it. Lately, I’ve been using the Active Renewal Cleanser from Vintner’s Daughter. I especially love it first thing in the morning when I want my face to feel tight! and awake! True Botanicals Pure Radiance Oil remains my nighttime ride-or-die. The finishing touch when I’m going out is always this from Westman Atelier.

✔️ The shape of my breasts. In this bra, if I wear one.

✔️ Expensive candles… Cire Trudon’s classic Cire (for the bedroom), La Bruket’s Hinoki (for the powder room), and Mad et Len’s Petits Papiers (for travel because it comes in an unbreakable metal canister).

✔️ … and tableware. I keep one of these mugs by my bed for pens and do-dads (my mom’s word for hair ties and other lady paraphernalia). Laguna~B’s Goto collection of Murano glassware is on my wish list. (I have some of the clear Fantasia cups; pure joy.) My favorite shops: La Pequeña Inglaterra in Madrid and Bonadea in London. Both ship internationally, I’ve done it.

✔️ The color orange. See what I’m wearing above.

✔️ Almost-nothing underwear. “Fancy and thin.” Cue Negative’s French cut briefs.

✔️ Pillows. “Supersoft.” I have different pillows all over my house, but these are the ones every member of my family loves most.

✔️ Winston cigarettes. Don’t smoke anymore, but I still love the logo.

✔️ Cashmere. It’s funny to me that I listed this when I was 20 years old, lucky me. Right now my favorite cashmere comes from Atelier Bomba, Extreme Cashmere, and Iris Von Arnim, which hails from Hamburg and is absolutely divine. This is the sweater I got most recently.

✔️ Sandals. “I love my feet, even when they’re dirty or blistered from wearing sandals in New York City.” I’d buy these if I was sandal shopping right now. They’re the right price to pay this late in the season and I’ve not seen anyone wearing them.

✔️ Matches. “Instead of lighters.” Scented ones are especially special.

✔️ Big ashtrays. (Clearly, I smoked). A porcelain tray like this one is still so useful for keeping keys, jewelry, and the beloved do-dads. This from Hermès is fabulous and on The RealReal. Or, how about this from Fornasetti for your rings?

✔️ Bob Dylan. I love him so much I named a jean after him.

That’s all for today. Thank you for reading. A lot of you have been here since the very beginning (I started Jane on Jeans more than 3 years ago!), and I see you. I know some of you knew my mom, too. Your memories are welcome in the comments, or you can reply to this email and it will go straight to me (did you know that)? I’m looking for a book to read on our annual summer trip to Montana, if you have recs, please send (doesn’t have to be fiction). As always, Denim Forever.

Jane

More good links…

Earlier this week I wrote about why Old Navy’s new fall denim is some of the most well-rounded around.

Confession: I traded my Nili Lotan Earle boots for this Joplin style. The Earle will look so great with dresses and skirts, but I rarely wear those. And the Joplin is a jeans shoe all the way.

Should you be starting to think about fall denim, these jeans are worthy.