When Opportunity Knocks: Fight or Flight?

Good morning! Here we are at the end of February . . . though it may not feel like it yet (I mean, even lower elevations in California- such as LA County- are seeing snow)! Time is sure flying, and I hope 2023 is shaping up to be everything you hope it will be.

Personally, there are a few performance/learning opportunities coming my way in March that I am incredibly excited for. It’s interesting to think that, as an undergrad several years ago, I would have been much too shy and stressed to welcome opportunities such as these. Before long, instructors and fellow students would not ask me to perform in this recital or that competition because they knew I likely wouldn’t want to. The idea of exposing my imperfections was terrifying. I always wanted to wait until I felt I could play something perfectly, which meant- as you may have guessed- that time never came. The spring before I graduated, I realized I had let a lot of experiences slip away due to my own doubt and insecurities. So I finally decided to get out of my own way and entered a competition at the university. There was a lot of surprise among those who had known me, but they were also excited that I was finally taking the chance! It proved to be a fantastic experience, and I became more open to participating in various competitions after graduation.

Looking back, I often regret that I wasn’t more proactive during those years. Fear, anxiety, self-doubt, stress- whatever you want to call it- was always standing in my way. How much more could I have learned and grown had I possessed the courage to put myself out there despite the aforementioned emotions? Working as a piano teacher over the last several years, I have come to realize a lot about “what others are thinking” during performances and lessons. No teacher I know— and certainly not myself— ever sits there thinking about how “bad” a student’s playing is. We don’t come from a place of negative criticism. If anything, we are rooting for the student. We want them to play well and to enjoy making music. We want to help them when they do struggle. We hear the potential they have, and we want to help them reach that potential as much as possible. We’re constantly wondering how we can best assist them in pursuing their goals. We admire their courage to perform at all, because we recognize how daunting it can be. We appreciate their contagious enthusiasm for the piano and creating beautiful music. We want to help them maintain and grow their passion.

This has been truly eye-opening. It still feels a little scary to be so vulnerable in front of those who are able to evaluate your skill level, but I appreciate their desire to be helpful. Anyone who truly cares about providing constructive assistance will not be demeaning, rude, condescending, or discouraging.

There was a story I read several years ago about a man who took vocal lessons. His fear of singing in front of others was debilitating, so he decided the only way to stand up to this roadblock was to confront it head-on. He was not the best vocalist in his teacher’s studio by any means, but he did not let that prevent him from putting his all into it. When they had a recital after several months, he decided to enter it despite knowing he would not sound as great as some of the others. He sang his heart out on the stage, even though his performance was far from perfect, and felt highly empowered after doing so. It was liberating to confront something that had felt impossible previously, and this carried over into other aspects of his life as he confronted fear time and time again. No risk, no reward, right? And, of course, risk will never be comfortable.

Now, as a graduate school student, I feel empowered as well. Do I play perfectly? No. But that’s not the point. Learning is. Growth is. The potential for learning and growth is infinite. I know that as I strive to make the most of each opportunity (or, as I now prefer to think of them, opportunities are blessings, not stressors) that comes my way, I will be continuously learning and growing. And that is truly exciting.

Community thread prompt: How do you overcome your own stress or self-doubt? How have you benefitted from the opportunities you’ve taken in your life?