We complicate everything. We have so much information right now, more than any generation before us has had access to. Tools, techniques, advice, all of it shoved down our throats constantly. And I think we assume that means the answers are in there somewhere, if we just find the right podcast or the right book or the right account.
But the things that actually move the needle, the things that actually make you feel sane when you’re going insane as a mom of three, you’re probably not going to find those scrolling Instagram, even though it might feel like you will. You’re not going to find it in the book you fall asleep reading because you’re too exhausted to get through a page. You’re not going to find it in the podcast, because your kids aren’t exactly going to let you listen to it.
Most of what’s actually worked for me, I’ve figured out on my own. Just paying attention to how my body feels in a moment and changing something, the state, the environment, the rhythm, the pattern, the story. Small changes that end up making a huge difference.
This isn’t about doing it all. It’s about knowing you can have kids, feel completely insane, and also be sane, in the same day. Run a business.. run a house and not lose your goddamn mind.
Here’s what’s actually working for me right now…
When the house looks like a bomb went off and every room is a disaster and I’m overstimulated, I don’t start negotiating with the kids about helping. I don’t have it in me for that argument. I just tell them, “I’m setting a timer for fifteen minutes, I need to get some of this house in order, you’re welcome to help, you’re part of the team here, but I’m doing it either way.” Then I go for it… toys, dishwasher, my bed, the bathroom counter. I really try to focus on one room at a time but sometimes I find myself all over the house. Whatever gets done in fifteen minutes gets done. It’s manageable and it’s something instead of nothing. And I feel like I’m in control of at least that much.
A lot of the time it’s the house itself that’s making me feel like I’m losing it. So we leave. Packing everyone up feels like the hardest part in the moment, but once we’re out of the house… sun, a coffee, a park, running into someone it helps. Change of environment has a way of changing your motherhood for the better.
We co-sleep, and I love it, but some nights I’m so touched out I need to recalibrate and there’s no room to do that in bed with three kids on me. So we put them all in the car and we drive along the water, something calming on… a meditation, soft music and they fall asleep. Sometimes within ten minutes, sometimes thirty. It gives me back the alone time I wasn’t going to get otherwise. It also shifts the “routine” and my girls see it as something new and fun we get to experience together and honestly some nights its exactly what I need.
After errands or even pickup, I sit in the car for a few minutes before I go inside. Maybe its taking a few real breathes and closing my eyes… or it’s just me sitting in silence. Doesn’t matter if they can see me through the window. It’s the difference between walking in already at my limit or walking in with something left.
When my kids start arguing or are having a tough time and I feel myself going with them, I flip it. Instead of managing their arguments or even meltdowns… I’m the one saying “watch me, watch me”, and I do a half cartwheel or flip onto the couch or something ridiculous. It gets me playful, which changes my state and theirs too. They usually end up laughing and watching me in awe. It really can be as simple and silly as that.
These aren’t systems I follow or me trying to optimize my motherhood, they’re just a few things that get me from going insane to sane!!
—Danielle, xo
“But How?”: Unconventional Self-Care Advice for Moms Without a Village
Everything We Call “Self-Care” That’s Actually Just Pain
Contradictions in Motherhood Vol. 1 - It Takes a Village...
Five Things I Do As a Type B Mom to Look Like I Have it Together… Even Though I Don’t
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.