the code to a happy life

**read to the end for a goodbye**

the code to a happy life is simple (although not simple at all really), and I'm sure you have heard it over and over and over again.

yet do we really hear it? do we process it and hold it and practice it?

from what I see and hear in this world, we all say it from our lips but not from our hips.

so what is this code? to a happy life, you ask?

well, of course, it’s about loving yourself.

but self-love is not being a ‘bad bitch,’ and it’s not hustling. it’s not polishing yourself like a black shoe, rubbing harder and harder until it shines - no marks to the naked eye.

self-love is really just forgiveness, over and over again. self-love is going outside when your wounds are triggered, holding yourself in grace and self-respect, and taking responsibility.

because love is not a feeling, but a verb. we must choose to always show up for ourselves, over and over again. love does not always feel good and mushy and sexy; sometimes it feels uncomfortable, confronting, and hard.

we fight for those who do not deserve it; make excuses for their bad behaviour, yet we do not turn that unwavering support inward.

and people roll their eyes and say ‘self-love blah blah blah - give me a big house and lots of money and I'll show you happiness.’ but we chase what we are told to chase and still we come up short.

why is this?

because my darling, you are energy, and energy cannot be satiated with material things. energy can only be met and matched with energy.

so what energy do you pour into yourself? is it loving, or hostile? is it learnt and repeated, or is it transformative?

is your growth on a timeline? is your self-love held with conditions you make with yourself that says, ‘I am worthy of love, but after I do this; after I achieve this; after someone else tells me they love me.’
maybe it’s after your parents are proud, or society validates you, then, you think, ‘I will love myself.’ and that’s the way it should be, you think - nothing should come easy and nothing should come from no work.

but that is a cruel way to approach love. a baby lies in our arms with no such ability to prove anything; they are vulnerable to a fault, and we love them dearly. because love is not a reward for good behaviour.

if we love ourselves with conditions, what hope do we have? our love, if no one else’s, must be rhythmic and constant, like the beat of our heart. it’s not that we deserve love; we are love. we just have to remember that.

xoxo

after 3 and a half years of writing here, I have chosen to take a break. I am not enjoying it like I used to, and I want to go where the joy is, not the obligation. I don’t write with fever or passion like I used to, and out of respect for your time, and mine, it’s time to give it a break. I have other things I want to breathe life into now.

to my dear paid subscribers, all your payments have been put on hold for when, or if, I return.

everyone signed up to this newsletter will still get emails from me from my other work, but feel free to unsubscribe. You can also unsubscribe from here and come onto my own personal email list if you prefer - just reply HANNAH to this email. you can also follow me here.

I may return in 2 weeks, 2 months, next year, or never again, but as the stars are telling me, I don’t want to keep doing something that feels ill-fitted.

thank you for all your loving and kind support over the years. it has been a beautiful ride.

see you on the other side xoxox

all my love, Hannah