Stonewalling

In my former life as a wife I experienced something my therapist called stonewalling. It’s a thing that happens when you’re trying to engage with someone and they can’t, won’t, or refuse. It’s like hitting a stone wall time and time again. It’s deeply frustrating and confusing because over time you start to question your reality, clarity and sanity. As I came out of my former wife life, I became curious and decided to learn how actual stone walls are built. It was through lifting and moving boulders that my physical body connected to spirit. I spent much of 2024 and 2025 learning how to stone wall. Literally.

It starts with foundation, here go the heaviest stones. Each one stacks longways. The heaviest stones go at the bottom. Similar to how in relationship you have all this energy in the beginning, lifting heavy stones doesn’t feel so intense. The excitement of starting makes for light work. In turn, each run of stones becomes a lighter layer. The puzzle is the same; fit together and hold with hearting. 🩶

The hearting lives between the two faces (or sides) of a wall. Without it, the wall falls in on itself. The hearting physically holds the strength of the wall. Not all of it but much of it. The rest is in the stacking and friction when building it. Like in relationship you need your heart in it. It’s the small stones that hold it all together. The little things, like conversation with a partner, matter.

I learned that mortar can make a wall quicker to build but faster to deteriorate. It takes time, skill and practice to make dry stone fit together. Just like relationships.

The end of a wall is called the cheek and it’s one of the trickiest elements to dry stone walling. I felt very proud to build my cheek end and here you can see me cheek to cheek.

Stonewalling showed me how to turn the stones into something supportive and magical. The way healthy relationships need to feel in order to thrive. A big thank you to The Stone Trust. In multiple workshops, their instructors gave me the confidence to lift, stack and puzzle. This process fueled ideas for outdoor creations I continue to create while healing my heart through how it all fits together. 🪨🪶🌱💗