Mama Bear's Den

It’s not easy to feel good when you’re waking up next to a washing machine, but there I was, forced out of my bedroom, by the man I once loved and built a life with. It was either sleep beside him in pain or sleep somewhere else. It was March of 2023 early in the divorce process that I moved into “Mama Bear’s Den”, a space created to guide me through the transition. At the back of our row home, it featured a powder room, washer dryer and just enough space for my little desk and twin bed.

I knew intuitively that the only way out without total strife would be for me to leave. That realization had happened. Yet the pain of leaving still felt so huge. I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t imagine a world in which I didn’t wake up in the same house as my young people. Wracked with grief, anxiety and fear, I struggled to imagine this next phase of my life.

Feelings aside, it felt good to go to work. I hopped on YouTube and in my first time using a power saw, I built a bed out of scrap wood. A mattress was ordered and my little desk moved in so I could roll out of bed and write every day. I got cozy back there while working three jobs to save for a lawyer and moving costs. A few months went by when I received a phone call from a friend, also on a divorce journey.

Mia: “Hey, I saw this house on a list serve. It looks really cool. Would you consider sharing a place just to get out? It’s a five bedroom house available as a six month furnished rental. Can I send you the listing?”

Me (excited and terrified): “Yes. I’m open. I’m ready!”

Mia: “Okay I sent it can you see it?”

Me: “OMG yes, I know that house! I’ve been doing gardening on that block all summer and picturing myself in one of those homes! Manifestation is so freaking real!”

Mia: “Okay well that’s a huge sign! Since you know the people do you want to reach out?”

Me: “On it! Owner says we can see it tomorrow!”

So we go and meet the owner. She has kids like us, friends in common and thus very supportive of our journeys. The house is stunning with steps leading up to a front porch swing and a huge entryway with a big split staircase going all the way up to the third floor. On that floor three good sized bedrooms and a full bathroom. Perfect for me and my two teens. On the 2nd floor 2 bedrooms, a huge bathroom with jacuzzi tub and laundry room, perfect for Mia and her two younger ones. On the first floor a big living room, dining room to seat eight, and a light filled kitchen leading out to the backyard I had already cared for all summer long.

This opportunity to exit felt so beautiful and right. No security deposit, or last month’s rent. No need to buy furniture. Just move in and figure it out.

So we did! November 1st of 2023 was the day I started my new life. I had no idea how good it was going to be. In a lot of ways I was scared. I hadn’t had a roommate in decades. Those fears were laid to bed immediately. Living with a fellow Mom turned out to be one of the most fantastic discoveries of my life. There were so many occasions that I thought, THIS is how it’s supposed to be. We kept finding so many little ways to help each other out. Getting out the door, making lunches, caring for the home. There was this great knowing and understanding about how to do things.

Both cooks in our own rights, the meals we created were incredibly special and delicious, sharing all we’d learned over the years. Our young people got to know each other slowly. At the time their ages were 15, 13, 11 and 6. They too were experiencing this big transition. We made an effort to share meals and played the online game Among Us. My son’s giant panda bear would join us in different areas of the house. Bamboo was a great connector.

When I look back the word that most comes to mind is EASE. This was a very supportive and ease full way to transition. The house we lived in was just a couple blocks from each our former homes which meant our young people could easily go back and forth. Mia and I got to know and support each other. Neither of us had to do this really big thing alone. That was a huge relief. The time together was short enough to figure out our next steps and long enough to bond as friends.

When the rental term came to a close, we ended up going our separate ways for just over a year before landing in our current space where we call ourselves Nextdoor Roommates. Mia rents the upstairs apartment and I the downstairs. We share a huge yard and still make dinners and play Among Us with our young people. I especially love how in the mornings one of us will call the other and be like wanna come up/down? Together we’re planting seeds to grow a garden in the spring. Seeds for future projects like ways to inspire more women to take the leap and support each other by living close by or together.

Life feels steady. Supported and Safe. About time too.