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The White House is reportedly having trouble coming up with an explanation for why Natalie Harp isn’t the de facto chief-of-staff when she’s gatekeeping who has access to Trump during his hourly naps and foreigners are now texting her to communicate with him.
A journalist wants to ask Jared Kushner to explain how his influence-peddling and secret scheming with Israel and the Gulf States outside the US government aren’t “textbook treason,” but Kushner is currently in hiding to avoid the BBC’s subpoena servers.
Melania and all the Trump kids are reportedly the ones leaking the negative stories about Natalie Harp because Donald Trump is rumored to be talking to his lawyers about changing his will to leave all his money to Natalie.
A federal judge says the 2023 Florida law Republicans passed mandating the death penalty for child sex crimes is “crystal clear” that if the Epstein Files confirm Trump is a pedo rapist, “he MUST be arrested during his next visit to Mar-a-Lago and put on death row.”
Economists are worried Melania’s recent press conference is a major recession indicator because it likely means she needed more money from Trump.
JD Vance and Marco Rubio are reportedly furious because Trump is telling staffers he won’t endorse either of them for president, and will instead name Natalie Harp as his MAGA heir.
White House doctors are reportedly ready to go public with Trump’s dementia diagnosis after they heard him tell Eric quite uncharacteristically this afternoon, “I love you, son, and I want you to know that you could never disappoint me.”
Ron DeSantis is reportedly worried he’ll have to ruin his career and legacy by pardoning Trump and the other Epstein-affiliated cabinet officials who live in Florida when the files finally get released because FL law mandates the death penalty for those crimes.
Florida Republicans are beginning to worry about the death penalty law for child sex offenders they passed in 2023 after finding out it almost exclusively applies to Republican politicians and Christian pastors.
GOP Senate candidates keep freaking out on live television every time a reporter asks them to explain how Jared Kushner’s secret scheming with Israel outside the government and beyond even Trump’s awareness isn’t “textbook treason.”
Historians are now listing Natalie Harp as the “Co-47th President of the United States” because no one in the administration knows for sure if Trump’s tweets, memos, directives, and ideas are his, or if she’s making them up while he sleeps all day.
Some Nobel Committee members are reportedly planning to nominate the Albanian people for a Peace Prize for their protests that stopped Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump from building a new Epstein Island to continue the globalist sex-trafficking and money laundering.
A GOP senator says Melania Trump’s random press conference in which she refused to show any affection toward Trump, and Trump had to tightly hold her hand the entire way to the podium to keep her from bolting away, convinced him that there is “nothing untoward about his relationship with Natalie Harp.”
The Tate Brothers are reportedly acknowledging that if they had been a little more Woke they wouldn’t currently be facing extradition and life sentences in prison.
Top GOP officials are reportedly planning to accuse next year’s Democratic Congress of “destroying the military” when they inevitably refuse to pass a $2 trillion funding package Trump will propose to rebuild all the bases he provoked Iran into obliterating despite lying about the damage, rename all the Navy ships after Trump, and sign military contracts with Don Jr. and Eric to build a new class of nuclear missiles.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published the perfect book for you: Trump Comedy. I’ve also published two others: Satire In The Trump Years and Satire In The Biden Years.
Also check out my four existentialist poetry books: Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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