Gym

I lingered in a stretch like I hover over a blank document

I wait for something to happen within me

To release

And then it flows

And the day slowly begins

I used to be a Yoga Internet Junky

Specifically Yoga with Nico Marie

But starring at a computer in my living room feels like an old thing I used to do

And I have stretched enough by now to know how

Without prompting or an outside soothing voice

When I finally came out of that position, I looked down at the 10 and 15 pound weights at my feet

And ran through the Rolodex of exercises I used to do in my weight training videos with a Swedish girl who’s name I never caught

When I raised the 15 lb weight over my head, I moved like a pro

No longer a sheepish girl out of place in the gym I have become

Years ago, when I started personal training, it took me 6 months of sweating my ass off in my spare room over FaceTime before I set foot in a real life gym

I was ashamed

Embarrassed

Everything

I was convinced I didn’t belong

But this morning

20 minutes ago in that Co-Ed weight training room

I was comfortable

I wiped down all my equipment thoroughly afterwards and realized

I can begin every day like this

Well every day I don’t wake up at 6:30am

Beginning my morning in a gym feels like beginning in a laboratory where every part of me is a color to be hand mixed before it goes onto a painting

Only the painting is my life as a creation

With my own hands

Only it’s every muscle

When I arrived around 9am, after some confusion with the lockers, I wandered until I found the pool

I dove in

Excited by the fact that Tennessee Williams

60 years ago was here

Swimming laps in the morning

Like the normal human being that he was

And it’s been used every day since

By countless others

And now me

Yes it’s profound like

Sitting in the back pew of a Church and contemplating the presence of someone now deceased

Like the many New Orleans acquaintances I’ve already lost this year

Laura

Adam

Sam from Tiki’s

Now it’s almost 11, and I have packages to mail

And poetry to write to include in said packages

All before my friend comes over at 12pm for her interview

But I feel like I already got my drop of Eternity in

I didn’t get to go up to the second floor today and punch a bag but-

The week is young, and I am allowed in here every day

As long as it’s before 9pm and after 5am

One of the Personal Trainer’s just came into the lounge and turned up all of the lights

I still can’t believe there’s a bar behind me

You know in case you need a drink after sweating out all the toxins

You gotta replace the toxins with other toxins you know

I didn’t know Tennessee Williams also banked with Chase

One of his membership checks is framed and plaqued on the wall

I wonder if he had too many Credit Cards with them and also the same complaints

I can breathe this morning

And I didn’t feel obligated to touch a treadmill like my old timid self who was too scared to do anything else

All right

My errands aren’t going to run themselves

And the aerobics class in the pool isn’t ending anytime soon

Time to feel the first weight lift soreness I’ve felt in over a year

Mmmm

The sensation of DOING something

This Gym has a Library as well filled with Sci-Fi/Fantasy for some reason