with or without a lover, im a lover.

what if being a lover has nothing to do with whether you’re in love?

I realized about myself that I’m not a romantic because I have someone to love, I have someone to love because I’m romantic.

romance used to be idolized as something that only is practiced in relationships. Candlelit dinners. Handwritten notes. thoughtful gifts. slow walks. looking at someone like they hung the moon. but all of those things never belonged to the relationship. they belonged to me.

even when I'm single, I still stop to admire beautiful architecture. I still buy flowers because they make an ordinary tuesday feel softer. I still spend twenty minutes making a playlist that perfectly captures a feeling. I still linger in bookstores. I still obsess over finding the scent that feels like me. I still tell my friends how much they mean to me. I still cry over beautiful writing.

once I removed all the things I loved about being in a relationship, I realized none of them actually required one. the relationship had become the container, but it was never the source. I was.

the love, the curiosity, the softness, the attention to detail. they didn’t disappear when I became single because they were never borrowed from another person. they were qualities I’d been carrying all along. I don’t become thoughtful because I’m in love. I love thoughtfully because that’s who I am.

I think we misunderstood romance and what it means to be romantic because romance isn't about having someone to pour your love into, it’s about becoming someone who notices beauty wherever it exists.

love was never something another person brought into my life. it was already there.

we treat romance like it’s something we unlock once another person enters the picture. as if tenderness only makes sense when there’s someone else around to witness it. we wait until we’re dating someone to light the candles, write the letter, visit the museum, plan the picnic, buy the flowers, or slow down enough to notice the sunset.

but why?

who decided those experiences needed another person in order to be meaningful?

romance isn’t an activity its a disposition. that’s why I’ve stopped worrying so much about whether I’ll find love. not because I don’t want a relationship, I do. but because I’ve realized I’m already living in the kind of world I hoped a relationship would create. a world where I pay attention. where beauty interrupts me. where I tell people I love them. where I make ordinary moments feel intentional. a partner wouldn’t teach me how to live that way. they would simply get to live alongside someone who already does.

not waiting for someone to make life feel beautiful, but deciding life is beautiful first is what romance is to me. thats a true romantic in my eyes.

I made a little Buy Me a Coffee corner for anyone who has ever read my work and thought, “I want to support this somehow.”

just a small way to say thank you and help me keep creating. no pressure, no expectations. my writing stays free, as always. I just wanted to create a tiny door for anyone who feels like saying, “hey, I appreciate what you’re sharing” and leave a little something behind.

buy me a coffee